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Mouse Mastered Handles A Lyin' Tantrum Throwin' Crusty

Mouse masteredBefore I worked at the happiest place on earth, I worked at the next biggest theme park in the area. I did attractions and worked at a big roller coaster themed around a big green guy.

I think attractions are pretty much the retail hell of theme parks, though I haven't worked merchandise, so I don't know. Attractions get paid the lowest amount possible, and have to put up with the most BULLSHIT out of any single area at the park. It doesn't help working at the most popular ride at the resort, not to mention being right near the entrance to the park.

First off, the costume was a neon yellow jumpsuit thingy. I affectionately called myself and my coworkers "The Gamma Bananas." However, there were three issues with the ride that pretty much came up constantly:

One: our ride has free lockers. I must again say that they were FREE. They didn't cost anything, but it was only for the duration of the ride. If the line randomly got too long and you missed it by a couple of minutes, we would normally get the locker open for you for free as long as you didn't just leave your stuff in there all day.

I cannot tell you how many people got upset or did the impatient "sigh" when I wouldn't let them go in line with their bags. If someone wasn't riding, I said sure, because even if they thought they "scammed" me, there were at least 5 other people at the top that would be there to make sure they were honest. And if you DID try and ride with a bag, we would send you downstairs to a locker without letting you ride.

Though, if you went down, you could come right back up the exit and ride since, you know, you HAD waited the entire line. However, one day the lockers led to the WORST GUEST EVER.

This prick has a red backpack, and he leaves it on top of, not in, the lockers. It's an unattended bag. We have to treat it as a bomb threat, so the lockers guy gives me the bag (I'm ambassador that day - meaning I sweep the general area and have a radio on me) and I take it to greeter, where we put it aside and call security.

The guy gets off the ride, and asks the locker attendant about his bag. We have it, we take it to him, and he FLIPS OUT AND STARTS YELLING AND CURSING AT OUR GREETER (a girl half his size and age, btw).

We have no right to touch his stuff, blah blah blah, I paid such and such and I should be able to put my bag wherever, yadda yadda.

WTF dude? Your shit could have been STOLEN, and you left an unattended bag in the middle of a theme park. If you did that in an airport, you would be DETAINED. So yeah, yell at us for you being a fuckwit.

The best part is, is he comes BACK to the ride, puts his bag in the SAME PLACE, and screams at the greeter girl "I PUT MY FUCKING BAG ON TOP OF THE LOCKER, DON'T FUCKING TOUCH IT."

I hear my managers/team leaders over the radio. By the time he gets off the ride and gets downstairs, here's who's waiting: My team lead, my manager, and my manager's manager, as well as me. He immediately starts yelling all the usual stuff, and my manager's manager calmly talks him through all of it. He still is yelling and I've had just about enough of this guy. Finally he says the magic words: "Well, it isn't posted anywhere and no one told me I had to put my bag up!"

CrustyI proceed to pull a park map out and say "Actually sir, right here in our ride description on the map it says you need to put bags and loose items in the locker. *I point to a sign near the entrance to the queue* It also says at the bottom of that sign that all bags need to be in a locker, *points to another sign* as well as in large letters at that sign over there next to the restaurant. Furthermore, I was here earlier when you left the ride, and I clearly remember myself, our greeter, and our lockers attendant all telling you that you had to put your bag in a locker if you came back, and I also QUITE clearly remember you screaming obscenities at our greeter as you entered the line this time."

The little girl this guy has with him (I think granddaughter) has been giving him this "WTF let it be" look this entire time. He looks at me stunned. Both the area manager and my manager look at me stunned. The area manager quietly says, "Just go clean or something."

I stay silent and walk a bit away until the guy leaves, at which point I'm motioned over by my manager. His response: "[my name], I'm supposed to be talking to you about your actions. *looks around* Don't do that again, okay?" No disciplinary actions, not nothing.

Two: our height restriction was 4 ft. 6 in. Many kids didn't meet this, and it stunk. SO MANY angry parents about this. "His hair touches! He hits when he's on his tippy toes! He's been waiting all this time and this is the only ride he wants to ride and HOW DARE YOU RUIN THIS LITTLE BOYS VACATION?"

IT'S A SAFETY RULE. IF HE ISN'T THAT TALL, ODDS ARE HE'LL BOUNCE AROUND LIKE A PINBALL IN THE RESTRAINTS AND POSSIBLY SLIDE OUT. It isn't my rule, and I can't change it. Also, his SKULL (bone) needs to hit the height bar before he can go up. If Kimbo Slice (who actually came through the ride) can abide by this rule without getting pissed off, so can you.

Choke a bitchThree: apparently the ride going down is always my fault and I'm expected to fix it or know exactly when it's going to be reopened. I don't know, not the mechanic, and even they don't give us time estimates. Although usually ride down times lets me be creative with the reason why. My personal favorite was that Dr. Banner had achieved inner peace and would no longer transform. The gamma team was looking to correct this with practical jokes and whoopie cushions.

I have the utmost respect for people that work at any and ALL attractions at theme parks across the world. Good luck out there!

--Mouse Mastered



Wait, you had FREE lockers that the guests were encouraged to use for this ride? SCORE! Dude, I'd have gone on MORE rides like that if I was allowed to ditch my stuff in temp lockers each time. Carrying crap around a park sucks! And this guy seriously left his bag unattended in a large populated area post-9/11? What a dumbass. He deserved the lecture that you gave him. Clearly, your manager agreed.

Pixie Pony

As a former Attractions slave... *thunderous applause*
Thank you for saying what I've been dying to say to people forever. I'm so glad you didn't get in trouble. That entitled ass nugget got what he deserved.
Also, Gamma Bananas. I love it.

Fortunately, my ride didn't have a height requirement, so I didn't have to deal with that nonsense. I did, however, get everyone and their monkey's uncle asking if there was a FastPass...despite the queue rarely being more than ten minutes long.

And yeah, it was definitely my fault that my ride went down. I intentionally went in with a flaming bag of dog poop and made the ride stop so you could yell at me. That totally makes sense.

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