This classic Retail Hell story was originally posted on March 08, 2008.
First I got Satan's Wife. She comes in at least once a week and acts like a total bitch, talking down to me and throwing attitude like she's fuckin' Ursula the Sea Witch.
Today she got all pissy because she wanted an outfit in a kid size and it's only available in baby size. I explained to her that it's only for babies. It doesn't come in kids sizes.
She stared at me like I had four heads and said, "I know you must have the size I want? Can't you get me the size I want? I'm sure it must come in the size I want."
I stared back at her like she had six heads and said, "It does not come in kids size."
Then she said, "I bet there's one hiding in the back that you don't know about. There's always something in the back."
I'm like what the fuck? Will you please just stop. What am I supposed to do? Open a sweatshop in the stock room and sew up whatever you ask for on demand? What the fuck do you want me to do?
So I attempted to show her something else, and she continued to act like Satan's Wife, only now horns had sprouted. She was a complete stark raving psycho bitch the rest of the time she was in the store by constantly snapping at me, complaining about all the merchandise, tossing clothes at me like I was her maid, asking for everything on sale, and yelling from across the store like some kind of Viking Ship slave driver.
Finally Satan's Wife makes her selections, and I get her to the register and she goes ballistic on me cause she didn't want to open a store credit card. I'm sorry, but it's my job to ask. I have to! Just say no. Don't give me a fuckin speech about your credit score, cause I really don't care. Through all her bitchin', I kept my cool and killed her with kindness. I should have gotten an I Waited on Satan's Wife and Survived T-shirt. Why do people have to be so mean and crazy?
The entire time she was there, she ignored the kids as they proceeded to mess up everything they touched. She was just as bad; talking away, grabbing clothes and throwing them down. I asked her 4 times if she needed help with a size and she kep saying no, "I'm just looking," while yanking clothes from the bottom of a stack and instantly unfolding three or four items.
What I Really Wanted to Say was, "If your just looking, why the fuck do you feel the need to pull an item from the bottom of a stack you inconsiderate pig?!"
Within 10 minutes she had managed to unfold most the store while her demon children were literally running around screaming, throwing clothes like confetti, and swinging off of floor fixtures. I was at the breaking point. Close to rampage. It looked like a tornado had come through the store and leveled the place.
Then the Cell Phone Monster and her devil spawns left without buying anything (thank god), only to be replaced by another Weirdo Customer who wanted to be rung up immediately. I took her over to the register while I was still fuming over the store destruction and rang up $525 worth of tiny baby clothes (that's a shit load of baby clothes). Well this nutball yanks out a wad of cash and proceeds to pay me in $5 bills.
AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! I can't believe all this went down within an hour. That was it it. I'd had enough. I went on break and had someone else clean up the mess. I'd had enough of monsters and devils for the day.