Passive Aggressive Muttering Over, You Know, Asking
We All Know It's True

The Scary Little Girl In The Weapon Shop


Jason ninja hangersFrom: Kyengen

Preface: My first job was in a knife store in Los Angeles when I was 15. The owner was an old veteran from Chicago. I basically had run of the place provided I didn't do anything inordinately stupid, or if I did, I cleaned up afterwards.

I was doing inventory and stock checks one weekend morning when a friend of mine came in. He shared my passion for all things blunt or bladed, and I knew him well enough to trust him to walk around behind the counter and investigate items at his leisure.

A customer came in, an almost irritatingly cute Asian girl probably just shy of five feet. I started over to her with a traditional "Howarya?" (one word - no reply necessary or even expected) greeting when my friend makes a beeline for her. This can pretty much only be entertaining, and I figure I can throw something at him if the situation gets out of control or he says something too stupid.

Friend: "Hey! How can I help you?"

Girl: "Um, I don't know. I'm looking for something for protection. A friend of mine got mugged recently."

My friend proceeds to tell her about the various stun gun and pepper spray options. I keep an eye on them an extra minute to make sure he doesn't zap one of them or something, then go back to checking inventory. I can hear him chatting her up a little, but I'm not really paying attention when he comes over to me.

"Uh, Kyen, can you help me out here? This kinda didn't go the way I thought it would."

I turn around and the girl has a 600,000 volt stun baton, pepper spray, and a hand ax with an individual knuckle guard. Think smallish ax with brass knuckles for the handle.

Me: "Hey, Friend tells me you have some questions?"

Girl: "No, I think I'm getting these."

Keep in mind this girl is tiny. The ax is longer than her forearm, and the stun baton isn't the usual subtle little device most people like for protection. It's about ten inches with electricity arcing around it.

Me: "Did I hear you say you wanted this for protection? This is all a bit much for any day to day carry. Also, bladed weapons aren't good for self defense unless you really know how to use them. Any weapon you don't know how to use, belongs to your enemy."

Carolanne hammerGirl: "I just want to look scary. Do you think people will be afraid to come near me?"

Me: "Well yeah, you effectively scared off Friend, and I couldn't do that when I was throwing knives at him. That ax isn't street legal though."

Girl: "It's going next to my bed."

I shrugged, gave her a quick once over on the laws and maintenance around the baton and pepper spray, and rang her out.

Friend came over to me after she left.

Me: "Decided not to ask her out? She's cute, you can probably still catch her."

Friend: "Next to her bed. She's putting the ax next to her bed. No, I'm not going to fucking ask her out!"




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Um, I have a hunting knife under my pillow. So what? Your friend sounds paranoid.

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