I've managed a Clinical Laboratory for over 8 years now. I have PLENTY of incompetent employee stories. This is my most epic story of all of them.
In 2005 our lab needed a Medical Director. Back then we were located in an Urgent Care facility. The owner of that facility (also a licensed M.D.) knew we were looking and had recommended a licensed M.T.,PhD, that he had just interviewed. Long story short, we ended up hiring him. From here on out I will refer to him as "Dr. Frank Moneybags".
Dr. Moneybags was not only our Medical Director, he was also a Medical Director for a large hospital here in town. He mainly worked weekends at the Lab, drawing patients and performing routine blood work. At times I felt that he didn't always know what he was talking about. I would ask him questions on certain tests and he would have difficulty answering them. I was wary, but brushed it off since he was the licensed M.T and had a PhD in Chemistry-Biology.
A year goes by...
Monday morning, first thing I did was check the messages on the phone. Much to my surprise, a patient left a message explaining that Dr. Moneybags had stolen his social security number and attempted to take out credit cards in his name and have them sent to Dr. Moneybags HOME address! So I pull the patients paperwork and confirmed that Dr. Moneybags was the one that drew the patient and handled his paperwork.
A million questions were going through my mind. Why would a licensed M.T., PhD. need to steal someones identity? If you are going to steal someone's SS#, how could you be so stupid to use your own address? Not to mention that under the employment section on the form that we have patients fill out, the guy was a manager at a fucking credit union! You didn't think he would notice?
This gets way better....
So I start digging deeper, I pull out Dr. Moneybags credentials. I see that his diploma is from University of Cincinnati. I decide to see if this guy is a fraud all together and call the University to confirm that the documents he provided were legitimate. The lady on the phone confirmed my suspicions and said that Dr. Moneybags only attended one semester at the University. I went ahead and faxed the transcripts and diploma to the Graduate school as they requested.
The Assistant Director called me almost immediately and said that the documents were fake. In a follow up letter sent to us, she stated this;
"The diploma and the transcript are not valid University of Cincinnati documents. The transcript and diploma both contain numerous items not consistent with our documents. Mr. Moneybags did not earn a PhD from UoC. We will be contacting Mr. Moneybags regarding the falsification of our documents."
Now I really started to understand how he could afford all those expensive cars he was driving. And all those times he couldn't answer my questions, duh! We fired him immediately and contacted the police.
At this point I knew he was dumb, but nothing prepared me for what happened next. Fast forward six months.
We're sitting in court, luckily the patient who's SS# got stolen did not blame us, he was there too. The assistant District Attorney had multiple charges on Dr. Moneybags. The owner of the lab was called up for questioning, confirming the employment of Dr. Moneybags. I guess the defense lawyer had no idea how dumb his client was and decided to put him on the stand.
The ADA was brilliant and put on a wonderful show for us. He asked Dr. Moneybags about his education. Dr. M just stared at him confused and stated that he got his education in the military. So the ADA questioned where he was stationed. Dr. M stated that he could not disclose any information regarding his education or military service and that it was top secret, to which the ADA responded with, "Are you a spy Mr. Moneybags?"
Hilarity broke out! The judge didn't think it was that funny, stating that Mr. Moneybags was wasting the court's time, and that the next court date was to determine his sentence. Court adjourned.
A few weeks later, we got a call from the ADA. He told us that Dr. Moneybags had shown him a letter that stated it dismissed him of all charges and that he should be released from jail, signed Judge Stubblefield. Then the ADA told us that Dr. Moneybags actually wrote that letter and forged the Judges signature while in jail, mailed it to himself and then showed it to him! He also told us that the judge was super pissed.
Now that is beyond incompetent.