So, a few years back I worked for a crazy boss. Well, I've worked for a few, but this one was BY FAR the worst. I truly do think she's bi-polar. It was the worst four years of my life.
Now, this shop was run by a husband/wife duo (pro tip: NEVER EVER EVER work for husband/wife teams). The husband used to roster me on with his wife as "DogLady, you're the only one that can deal with her."
Great. This was a woman who'd go from sweet to raving psycho having a screaming, sobbing meltdown in the backroom because a rep came in on the wrong day by accident, or the postie delivered the wrong mail to us.
Customers would actually poke their head into the shop and gingerly ask me if "she" was in today, and was it safe?
So I'm in one morning, and bosses wife is in a relatively stable mood. She's had her mega dose of pain killers and coffee. No milk, because today we've decided we're lactose intolerant. Tomorrow, however, she'll be chowing down on an apple turnover with cream. I've learned to indulge her whims, as it's just not worth my life.
It's quiet and I'm, as usual, desperately searching for a topic of conversation that won't send her over the edge. I once made the mistake of mentioning cholera in our conversation and she flipped out, screaming at me that her father was a famous archaeologist who had cholera once and I should NEVER JOKE ABOUT THESE THINGS.
The topic of tarot cards comes up. I said in passing, "Oh, maybe I should learn how to use them."
She looks at me in horror. "DogLady, you must never, EVER mess with things you don't understand. I don't want you ever bringing them into the shop."
Now, here's where I shoot my own leg off. On my lunch break, I wander down the street to the local fairy/magic shop. They sell things like crystals, and windchimes. And tarot cards.
Now I know what you're thinking, and no, I didn't buy them. Those things are damn expensive! I did, however, buy some shitty "oracle" cards. They basically had little sayings/life affirmations on them. I traipsed back to the shop, and like an idiot, told my boss I was magical and could I divine her future for her?
Boss gets a look of horror on her face, and walks out into the back room and slams the door. Gets on the phone to her husband and starts bawling. Yep. Nice one DogLady.
A few hours later, and boss lady has obviously taken some more of her "medicine" and in a better mood. She actually wants to see my black magic devil cards, AND she wants me to do a "reading" for her. I go to town and spin a story incorporating various parts of her life, with things that I think she'd like to hear. By the end, she's decided I'm magical and that I have a "gift."
"No, seriously DogLady, you have a talent that can't go to waste."
I was in her good books alllll week! Until the lady running a local cafe who happens to hate her brought me a muffin and handed it to me in front of her.
I have so many stories about this boss, it's ridiculous. I often meet people who have worked for her; some have actually ended up in therapy.