In this second crazy customer story, I'm selling at a highline euro dealership. I'm approached by a middle aged, overweight black woman. I'm a late 20's, tall, blond, white guy.
Crazy Black Lady - “Are you willing to sell me a car, or will the color of my skin be an issue?”
Me - “Woah, how about we start over? [insert meet and greet here] "Have you had an unpleasant experience at a dealership before?”
CBL - “I've been to a bunch of so-called car dealerships and none of them would sell me a car because I'm a black woman.”
Fuck, entitled reverse racist black woman is always the customer from hell. I don't know why they think I'd want their money any less due to the color of their skin.
Me – “That won't be an issue here, what kind of car are you looking for?”
CBL - “What would my payment be on that car” (She points at an $90k Audi A8)
Me - “Well, it's going to depend on how much money you put down and what kind of loan you get, what kind of payment were you looking for?”
CBL - “Oh, so we're gonna play that game here too. Why do I have to put down money, cuz I'm black?”
Me - “No, not at all. In fact, it's possible you wouldn't have to put any money down on a loan at all. It's up to whatever lending institution we get you a loan from”
CBL - “I'm not interested in any lending institutions, I only work with banks.”
Ok, so she's not racist, just crazy. Let's head down sub-prime lending lane and see if this goes anywhere.
CBL - “Why won't you tell me how much I have to put down to drive that car off the lot today?”
Me - “Because I don't know.”
So this goes on for a while, we have a pretty thorough discussion about how auto loans work and how racist I am, and I somehow get her inside and sat down at my desk. I go talk to my boss and ask if he can come up with something to get me away from here. Since she's already playing the race card I'm stuck going through the paces with her. I start going through the process of getting her credit info and typing it into the form on my laptop. She freaks out about the government knowing about something and identity theft, so I go track down a paper copy for her to fill out by hand. Now the crazy really starts coming out.
CBL - “This isn't a loan application.”
Me - “I assure you it is, I've done this before.”
CBL - “Then why does it say 'consumer credit application' across the top? I'm not here to consume anything?”
Me – "That's just what our credit apps say at the top."
We go back and forth for a while as she reads and misunderstands every single line of the fine print on the app and decides I want her to fill out a fake credit app because she's black. I head to the finance office and start searching through all of the loan documents for one with easier wording. I finally find one that just says 'auto loan application' across the top and head back. She's sitting at my desk and has apparently been yelling about how I ditched her because she's black and I don't want to sell her a car. I decide that I'm just going to ask her the questions to get the app over with.
Me - “Ma'am, could you please spell your name for me?”
CBL - “I'ts CBL of India. I'm from India. Make sure you write that down” And the rest of the app goes about the same. She doesn't know her social security number, has no government issued ID, and when I ask for her license she gives me a photo copy of someone else's Veterans Affairs card. It was the only thing in her purse.
Me - “Well, without any sort of government issued ID I'm not going to be able to run your credit.”
CBL - [crazy racism rant] “I want to talk to the owner!”
Me - “Fantastic, I'll go get him.”
From there, the GM (also a middle aged white dude) gets to deal with the craziness for another half hour before he can get her out the door. She told him she was an undercover agent sent by the queen of England to expose racism in the United States... and all manner of other bullshit.