John Oliver on Calling 911
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Bar Hell: "Don't Lie To Me! Those Aren't Stouts!"


BARHELLFrom: happlepaff

I work at a high-end pub selling expensive craft beers from all over the world. It's a relatively new business, only open for about a month. Our big selling point is that we have an absurd range of beers; over 200, which are constantly rotating in and out of stock.

I'm a student at uni; I only work part time and it's exam season, so I haven't quite committed this insane range to memory yet.

Enter customer, who we will call Betty.

She comes over and stands next to the bar. I walk over with a smile.

Me: "Are you being served?"

Betty: "Do you have any stouts?"

Me: "Yes, in fact we do! We have some bottled stouts and two on tap."

Betty: "Uhhhh... What are the ones on tap?"

Me: "Well, we have $Stout1 and we have $Stout2."

Neither of these are the typical stout but they're made by the company I work for and they are both the best selling drinks.

Betty (unimpressed expression): "No, those aren't stouts. I want a stout."

Me: "These are stouts, I can give you a little taste if you like."

Betty: "YES, give me a taste."

Me: "Okay, I'll get the $stout1 first-"

PET10Betty: "NO, that's NOT a stout!"

Me: "..."

Betty: "..."

Me (Searching for backup): "Oh, erm, let me talk to $employee2. Hi $employee2, any recommendations for stouts?"

$employee2: "Yes, we have plenty. My personal favourites are $bottled-stouts."

Betty: "I don't WANT bottle, I want DRAFT STOUT!"

$employee2: "Well, we have 2 on tap..."

Me: "I offered those a second ago but she doesn't-"

Betty: "Oh, so the person behind the bar [me, standing literally right there] doesn't know anything about what you sell here?"

$employee2: "Well, we carry a lot of stock and it is constantly rotating so we don't always know everything we are carrying off by heart! Let me give you a taste of $stout1..." [AKA the stout I offered like 30 seconds ago]

At this point I went away.... as far away as possible. $employee2 wandered over a few minutes later. Turns out the exact same conversation happened again with him as well. So he was fuming.

Betty apparently tried two stouts, continued to not actually know what a stout was, and promptly left without actually buying anything.

I still don't know the full 200+ beers, but I know what a bloody stout is and I know what's on tap!

The joys of working in a bar....





"Betty: "NO, that's NOT a stout!""
Me: "Ma'am, just because YOU don't know what a stout is doesn't mean I don't know what a stout is. Pull up that smart phone of yours and Google both of the stouts I just mentioned, Google will tell you they are, as I told you, stouts."

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