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Doofus of the Unspecified Time Period: "Luserboy Interrupticus"


TechTyger had a website (known as The Doofus of the Unspecified Time Period) where he posted stories from Call Center Hell. At our encouragement, he's submitting his stories for RHU's enjoyment!

TECHTYGERFrom: TechTyger

This monkey starts off agressive. It thinks it can browbeat me into fixing a problem that is not fixable over the phone. Wrong thing to try. Do not start with me, you will not win; I have a volume control and a much louder voice.

It is trying to download its physician data from the intranet. Its company has told it it is available; this is incorrect. [This is almost always incorrect. They send out messages saying 'your (foo) data is available' days in advance of it actually being put on the website.] I tell it that 'file not found' means that the file is not on the website, and --

It interrupts. I hate that. 'No, you people fixed this last time over the phone.'

TechTyger: "No, sir, we didn't. We have no--"

It interrupts again. [Something occurs to me while typing this. I check the area code; New Jersey. Why does this not surprise me?]

'Yes, you did. You had me go somewhere and right click something and choose properties.'

Way to give detailed directions, luserboy.

TechTyger: "No, sir, we did not. We do not --"

Guess what? 'Yes you did! You had me go into explorer then right click on DSS and choose properties, then you gave me a code to put in there and it worked!'

What it just described, for those of you not already laughing, is changing the name of the directory. Changing the name of a directory on one's computer has absolutely no effect on a file that is not on an entirely different computer.

TechTyger: "Ok."

It has described something that will not work. It has told the expert several times that he is wrong. It obviously knows better than I do. So I'll let it burble for a while, as I type the record.

Custy phone 2It repeats the above after 20 seconds or so of silence, when it realizes that I haven't been intimidated into giving up the sekrit k0d3...

TechTyger: "No, sir, that will not work. You need to talk to ETM in the mor--"

Luserboy: 'Is there anyone there who can help me?'

TechTyger: "No, sir, or I would have transferred you to them. You need to talk to --"

Luserboy: 'Fine. How do I get in touch with them?'

TechTyger: "You need to call--"

Luserboy: 'All right! How do I call them?'

TechTyger: "You need to call--"

Luserboy: 'I said alright, already! How do I call them?'

TechTyger: "You need to call--"

It tries to interrupt at this point again. As I said, I have a much louder voice, and just rode it down, getting louder as it tries to interrupt again.

TechTyger: "--If you will stop interrupting me for two seconds, I'll tell you! You need to call YOUR INTERNAL HELP DESK IN THE MORNING. IT IS THE SAME PHONE NUMBER, CHOOSE OPTION 1 THEN OPTION 2."

Silence. It's possible I hurt its ear. Somehow, this would not break my heart. After a moment, it hangs up. It is now off my phone, and that's all I really wanted. I type the record up, including the fact that the user would not follow directions and was argumentative. I'm sure that it's going to bitch to it's manager.




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