When I was in Uni in Glasgow I worked with probably the most stupid person ever to walk the the face of the earth.
I remember she was using a stapler which had jammed; she unjammed the staples and then 'tested' it... on her finger.
She was asked which pizza toppings contained pork. She replied, ''Errr.... spicy pork? Ham?'' ...and after much head-scratching, ''...green pepper?''
She once bought a birthday card for one of our colleagues. it was one of those ones with his year of birth and notable news event s on the front. When it was pointed out that he was born in 1973, not 1972, she said, ''Nivvur mind, Ah'll jist keep it fur his birthday next year.''
She got a hole in her tights at work, so I said she could nip out and get another pair.
''Och, I'll jist turn thum inside-oot.''
Worryingly, she left to become a 'Lab Assistant'. Whether this meant she was continuing employment in a field of science or just helping out a dog from time to time, I dunno. I suspect it's not the former, though.
I have also worked with a girl who asked, in all seriousness, which animal pineapple came from.