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The Owner Wants My Hat! You Will Buy It!


RHSEPT 248From PalemouthTalesFromRetail

I worked in the menswear department of a pretty run-down bridal store. It was generally quiet, business was slow, and thus only myself and my manager (We'll call her M) were working this particular day.

Around an hour before closing time, me and M were ironing shirts and putting them out, general stuff, when an older lady (OL) walks in with a large box.

Me: (spotting the large box) "Good afternoon, are you here to make a return?"

OL: (smirking) "No, I'm not."

Me: "Okay, well is there any way I can help you today?"

OL: (still smirking) "No, but I think I can help you."

Ok. At this point I'm confused, I look at M, who kind of shrugs her shoulders and walks over to us, neither of us knowing where this is going.

M: "Hello, what brings you here today?"

(The lady puts the box on the floor and stands triumphantly with her arms crossed.)

OL: "I have something here I think you'll be very interested in."

Before either of us can say anything, she whips the lid off the box, and then resumes her previous position, still with that grin plastered on her face. Inside the box is an electric blue fedora hat. M stifles a laugh and takes a step back, leaving me to deal with this woman.

OCTOCAROL 006Me: "Ma'am, we don't sell those kind of hats here."

OL: "Yes, well, I bought this hat for my son's prom 15 years ago, and when I did, the owner of this shop said he loved it and if I ever wanted to sell it, he would pay me a hefty sum."

At this point I'm trying not to laugh. She's still standing there grinning like she's pulled the greatest trump card the world has ever seen, and the hat was in probably the worst condition it could possibly be in and packed inside a comically oversized box. (Our store only opened 3 years ago. There was no way it was our wealthy boss she spoke to, and I don't think anyone would pay a 'hefty sum' for this - let alone him.)

Me: "I'm sorry ma'am, but you must have us confused with another store, and besides, we're a shop. We sell and rent items, we don't buy."

OL: (getting agitated) "No, no, no! It was this shop! The owner said he would pay me for it, and it would be an honour to sell it in his shop!"

Me: (trying hard to keep my composure) "I'm sorry to tell you ma'am but you're mistaken. We don't sell these kinds of hats."

OL: "but you will sell this hat! The owner wants it! You'll be in trouble with the owner!"

At this point M walks back over to us to intervene.

M: "Madam, you have the wrong person. We do not buy independant items unless an order has been specifically placed for them."

OL: (shrill) "The owner wants me to sell this hat! People want this hat! Why won't you buy it!"

Freddy2 067aMe: "Ma'am please, if you look behind you, you'll see the only hats we sell are top hats, and even those aren't popular. We have little demand for hats, let alone one as unique as yours."

OL: (seems to get the picture, huffs, and exaggeratedly packs away the hat, picking up the box and glaring at me) "You'll regret this."

Me: "I'm sure I will."

The woman stares for a second before heading towards the door muttering to herself. Just before she reaches it, she turns around and half-shouts up to us: OL: "You will regret this!" (Emphasising 'will')

Me: (nodding) "Okay, have a nice day."

Before she could respond however, my manager cuts in:

M: "There's a charity shop down the road if you'd like to try there."

She left.





I want the drugs she was on.


"You will regret this!"
Where there's a will, there's a way! Never! We won't let ourselves be suppressed anymore! Today, we fight! This has gone on lone enough. This ends now! Inconceivable! And any other form of cliché lines you hear from 'heroic speeches' and 'comebacks', if my brainstorming were better. Feel free to add.


Lightning: Here you go. :D

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