This happened awhile ago, I was the new manager after the last one was arrested on drug related charges (explains why he was always so off). The owner, I call "Boss Man" is a strictly business kinda guy. He's rich and arrogant with a shady past and shady friends.
I'm getting paid better then what I would at any other retail place, and I don't have to do much. Boss man comes into my office "PornoManager, we need people. We need people now. Hire someone within the week or I'm replacing you."
I tell Boss Man, "Okay, but, I need to know what to do. What kinda questions to ask."
Boss Man looms over me and then gets in real close, his breath smells like booze and he reeks of old cigarettes. "PornoManager just ask standard questions. Make some crap up. I have some "important" business to attend to," he explains, and then as he's leaving he shouts out "Don't make me regret this!"
A week to hire some rookie on, no pressure, eh? Within a day we get 3 resumes submitted. First one I see is poorly written and not even filled out. Into the trash it goes! Second one isn't even English... right into the trash! Third is terrible, the guy has little experience, and lists "porno watching" as his hobby. A sad thing to say he's the least terrible applicant, I save his resume and wait till better ones come in.
A few days go by and a few interviews, I reject every last one of them for various reasons. With time running out and me being desperate and going against my better judgment I decide to give the "porno watcher" a call. I should have known this would have been a bad idea, I really should have seen the writing on the wall.
He comes in the next day well dressed and on-time. He gives me a firm handshake and manages to impress me in the interview. Success! Maybe things would not be so bad, maybe I was being too judgmental. I mean it's not as if our job is difficult. How bad could this be? Really? We get him started by Friday.
He comes in an hour late. That pisses me off, but, I'll allow it to slide just this once considering it is daylight savings and maybe he made an honest mistake.
I get him started on the register and just up to date on the products. It'll just be me and him today so I can give him the training he'll need. Today's going to be a slow day today, we'll be lucky to get even one customer, but, who knows.
Out of the blue he comes up to me and says "So, this is a porno store, right? Do girls come in here and get naked and get f-d? Do we got glory holes?"
I explain to him that we are not a "porno store," as we focus on improving people's sex lives.
"You mean a porno store, right?"
I just sigh and go off to doing my work. I'm not going to like this guy.
All through the day he keeps asking me stupid questions like where all the girls are or why aren't there any people having sex. As best I do to explain, he just keeps asking more and more questions and he won't stop talking about porn. I'm just glad no customers have come in. Lunch break! I ask if he'll be able to handle the store while I'm gone. He says yes, he'll "manage somehow," he says in such an odd tone suppressing a giggle.
I tell him if he needs me he can call me on my cell, I'll be across the street at McD. With that I walk off.
After getting my food, I walk back to the store hoping he'll have gotten everything out of his system. I hope he would stop it with the annoying questions. I walk in and he's not at the register. I walk around and hear a moaning sound coming from my office. Oh god, I think, please don't be what I imagine it is.
I open the door and there he is with his pants down watching a porno movie on my computer.
"Please tell me you aren't doing what I think you're doing..." I yell.
I don't let him finish. I unplug the PC and yell at him to get his pants on. He rushes to get them on, all mad at me.
"What's the big idea anyways?" he says confused as to why I'm so mad.
I tell him to get out, he's fired and he's lucky I don't call Police.
New Guy is all huffy, and confused, "What's your problem man? I'm on break! This is a porno store, man. Why can't I do that here? I'll call your owner and tell him to get me my job back!"
I laugh and rush him out the door, "Boss Man would probably kick your ass. Don't show your face here again." and I slam the door behind him.
At least I caught him early.