Creepy Custys: How Rude Of You To be Uncomfortable
Hellspawn: "Belts Are In Aisle 5..."

Horrifying Products: My Mommy's a "Bella" Onesie



If your mommy really is a "Bella," that means you are a demon spawn whose father had to rip through your mommy's stomach with his vampire teeth to release you from her womb. You also will grow abnormally fast, be a child forever, and have a totally consensual love affair with a werewolf 17 years your senior. So that's good.




You realize that "bella" is Italian for "beautiful"? Maybe that onesie isn't referencing the latest pop-culture thing?


I thought it was a reference to Belle and the Beast....

Eddy Cator

Yeah, it could be Um..., but not with the apple, so "iconic" of those terrible books.

And I get the whole disgust at the "child forever" in a relationship with a werewolf 17 years older than her, but this is not the first time that circus has come to town. Anne Rice did it so much better, exploring Claudia's adult sexuality and relationships with a body never fully mature enough to handle it.

But what I don't get is how a baby born as a vampire doesn't stay a baby forever, or gets to like 5 years old and goes "I'm good, this'll do, screw growing up!"


Um, it certainly is. But most people, unfortunately, connect 'Bella' or even 'Isabella' with Twilight now... it's like Edward and Jacob. Ruining names. Fucking writers. (Not authors.)

Eddy, the thing with Renéesme's (OmG, even after almost a decade of that name springing up, it looks so stupid) relationship with Jacob is not that she ends up as physically 17 while technically being only 7 years old.
The issue is that Jacob imprinted, which means he LOST ALL FREE WILL to stay away from her and will be her servant. He actively keeps her parents from her (not that Bella wants anything to do with her crotchfruit; she did her job of having a functioning uterus) and is gonna be just the way she wants him to be, so she will willingly be with him as she gets older.
Yes. CHILD GROOMING. (And Meyer refuses to see that)

Plus, Eddy, the kid is a half-vampire freak. And Meyer seems to think being 17 forever is awesome...

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