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Night Shift in the Adult Store: The Haggler


Adult store 3From mstarrbrannigan, TalesFromRetail

I used to work night shift in a 24 hour adult store. The store had four departments; DVD, clothing, novelty, and smoke shop. Some smoke shops in town would haggle on prices, according to some customers. We were not one of them. On occasion, people would try to haggle, but after being informed that they were in a store and not a flea market, that would be the end of it. Except for this guy who could not take a hint.

I would like to note that while I usually (usually) tried to be professional when dealing with difficult customers, I was not always successful. Management didn't seem to care if we got lippy with customers, as long as it was only if the customer deserved it (paraphrasing.) This lead to some situations where bitchy customers, who were used to pushover managers giving them whatever they wanted, getting their asses handed to them by staff who were fed up with their bullshit.

It was liberating, let me tell you. (Managers, you know when a customer is arguing with you and demands to speak with a manager and you get to tell them that you are the manager and they get an "Oh shit!" look on their face? It's kind of like that feeling.)

So one day I've got a guy about my age at the time (early twenties) in the smoke shop. He's looking at pipes, which are individually priced. He picks one out and eyes the tag. He'll be H for Haggler.

H- Can you do $15 on this pipe?

MSB- No, that's a $20 pipe.

H- How about $18?

MSB- I think you misunderstood me; we don't haggle.

H- Some stores do.

MSB- We're not one of them. Our pipes are priced as marked. If you're looking for a cheap pipe, these are our under $20 baskets.

He looks at the cheap pipes, picks out a $15 one and

H- Can you do $12 on this?

Now I'm getting annoyed.

MSB- If you want to pay $12 for a pipe, pick out a pipe that says $12 on the price tag. I told you we don't haggle.

At this point my coworker looks over. He and I worked together for awhile and were on the same wavelength. I usually speak with a very flat affect, but I get a definite edge to my voice when provoked. He knew immediately that things were going downhill over by me. He kept doing what he was doing, but kept his eyes open in case I needed him.

H- You can't do any better than $15 on this?

Jason cigarMSB- No.

H- I'm just trying to get a good deal.

MSB- Do you do this at [big box retailer]?

H- Well, no....

MSB- Then don't do it here, it's annoying.

I see coworker smirk.

H- So you can't adjust prices at all?

MSB- No.

He eventually picked out a pipe, then started looking at our Zippo display and asked me to pull one out for him.

H- If I buy this Zippo, can I get free thing of lighter fluid?

Coworker gives me "are you kidding me?" look.

MSB- You don't give up, do you?

H, laughing- I'm trying to get a good deal!

MSB- Look. I don't get commission. I'm not desperate to make a sale. I honestly don't care if you buy anything or not. If you don't like our prices, you are more than welcome to shop elsewhere.

H- All right, so what's the best deal you can give me?

That was it, I was done.

Carolanne hear no evilMSB- Fine, I'll give you a deal. You stop trying to haggle and get free merchandise, and I don't kick you out of the store. Deal?

H- You'd kick me out for trying to haggle?

MSB- No, I'd kick you out for being annoying.

Points at sign.

MSB- "We reserve the right to refuse service." Now, I'm happy to assist you. But you need to stop with the haggling.

So he decided he was just going to get the Zippo.

H- Will you at least fill it for me before I go?

Normally we do fill up the Zippos we sell, but only as a courtesy. He'd already received all the courtesy I had available.

MSB- I'm sorry, we don't have any store use bottles of fluid, and I'm not authorized to open a new bottle. (Both of those statements are lies. I just really didn't want to give him anything for free.) You can buy a bottle for $4.99 though.

H- It's $2.99 at [store]

MSB- It's $4.99 here.

H- ...

MSB- ....

H- So you don't-

MSB- No, we don't price match. If you want to pay $2.99, go to [store]

H- You guys should probably change your policies to be more like the other smoke shops.

MSB- You should probably just shop somewhere else in the future.




Misty Meanor



I want to learn at your feet! Teach me your ways!


"Some stores do."
You ain't in Kansas, man.

"All right, so what's the best deal you can give me?"
100% of the price, no extras. Or you go away.

"It's $2.99 at [store]"
Then go there.

"You guys should probably change your policies to be more like the other smoke shops."
No. We'd only have to deal with more idiots like you.


In that circumstance, I'd haggle but go UP instead of down. "Can you do 15 on this 20$ pipe?" "How about 22?"

Tech Support Survivor

So sweet.

Eddy Cator

Hehe, I would too Tyger.

Him: How about $15?
Me: How about $25?
Him: What? Wait, that's not how bargaining goes!
Me: I'm adding on Idiot Tax.


Ha! /) (brohoof)

Eddy Cator


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