From OsoDePaulie

This happened last New Year's Eve, but I figured today would be best to tell it, just in case something happens tomorrow night. As usual, I work at a grocery store.

I had just closed up self checkout for the night. We had to have everything shut down early since our closing hours were different (the company allows us time to get home to celebrate New Years with our families). I still had about a half hour or so left in my shift, so I went to go help with some of the restock stuff. I'm at the far end of our soda aisle, putting 12 packs up on the shelves and I hear bzzzzzzzzzzt.
I stand straight up and think, "was that a taser?!? Why would somebody have a taser in the store?" As soon as I finish thinking that, I hear one of the cashiers ask very loudly, "why do you even have that in here?" Followed by another bzzzzzzzzzt. Something's obviously about to go down, so I run to the registers to see what's going on. I get to the registers and there's a large-ish circle formed around this one customer. She's yelling at another person in line, so I ask the cashier for a quick rundown. She explains the customer is super drunk and trying to buy a bottle of champagne. She denied the sale and the lady pulled a taser on her.
Our night manager hops out of the checkstand he was in (directly behind taser lady) and stands next to me. Taser lady has stopped yelling at the other customer and is demanding the bottle of champagne.
TL will be taser lady, B is boss, C is other customer.

TL: you're gonna give me that champagne, right?

B: no.

TL: why not? waves taser around. B: Well, for starters, you're already drunk. And you're out here threatening people with a taser.

TL: is that a problem?

B: Yeah, it is. I'm gonna give you the opportunity to leave now or I'm gonna call the cops.

C: too late. I already did.
TL: I'll deal with you in a minute. turns back to boss you wanna come over hear and kick me out to my face?

B: no.

TL: what? You afraid to get tased?

B: yeah. I don't feel like wasting my New Years getting tased cause you're an idiot. Seriously, just leave now.

TL: I'll do whatever I want. I'll leave when I want, I'll drink what I want, I'll.....

C: no, you should seriously leave now. I'm still on the phone with the cops. They can hear you. The dispatcher says they're maybe a minute away. Unless you want to get arrested, then by all means, please, keep being dumb.

Taser lady thinks it over for a little, waves the taser at the customer, then makes her way to the exit. Our security guard, fresh from stopping a fight in the parking lot, goes to escort her out, while keeping at least 10 feet away from her. They're halfway to the door and taser lady starts screaming at him to stop following her and starts swinging the taser at him. He looks back at us like, "WTF is going on here?" Then turns back and laughs at the lady. She finally walks out.

Everybody gets back into their normal spots and the customer who had called the cops says:

"I have a confession to make. I didn't actually call the cops."

--OsoDePaulie