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Hardware Store Hell: Bullhorn Man



From GuerillaCupid, Tales From Retail:

So I work at a hardware store, and we tend to get some "special" customers sometimes. I can usually deal with them, but this guy from the other day took the cake.


It's 2:30, about halfway through my shift, when, from halfway across the store, I heard him. Bullhorn Man. My coworkers told me he's been there before, but this was my first encounter with him.

"So how much are these drop cloths? These are nice drop cloths. Sturdy." His voice echoed across the store, so I went toward the noise. I saw my coworker standing next to a large man in a sweatsuit, who was talking at a volume usually reserved for sporting events or the aftermath of a hurricane.

It wasn't even talking. It was more like an extremely loud stream-of-consciousness coming out of his mouth without a break. My dumbfounded coworkers and I stood there as he talked about drop cloths (they're just plastic, take them and go already), grabbed a handful of random clearance tools ("These look well-made"), and then began to admire our impulse buy rack.

We have some LED lights on the rack, with buttons on the front. Like this. Usually when a customer tries to turn one on, the light shines in their face, and they flinch. Not Bullhorn Man. He pushed the button, received the light of 28 LEDs to the eyes, and grinned. "This is nice and bright! I'm gonna buy this."

But the best part was when Bullhorn Man picked up a plastic brush, used to scrape paint off walls, took it out of its wrapping, and proceeded to demonstrate how he wanted to use it: to clean the suede on his ancient sneakers. My coworkers and I got him out 20 minutes later, still talking, and we all breathed a sigh of relief.

I mean, seriously, there was not ONE MOMENT when this dude stopped talking the whole time he was in our store. Exhausting.




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