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Kiddo's Misery: Fat Fuck And Braying Jackass


Carolanne2 070Hey all, Kiddo here again.

Now, this is a bit of an old story (it happened like a month ago) but it keeps bothering me so hopefully venting it here will get it out of my head.

So, the setup: I'm at our store's U-Scan and as a quick aside, everyone fucking hates working the U-Scan till.

Our store bought out the previous grocery store that used to be there and they only updated the building enough to expand out the sides to give us a bigger produce section. So because of this, the already awkwardly placed U-Scan till is even more so now. It's also wedged into a tiny space that's between our ice coolers and the bathroom and for some fucking reason, management keeps sticking our discount carts *right behind* the actual main till itself, which of course, often causes pile-ups of inconsiderate customers.

This space is also directly next to our seasonal display wall, which gives a further impression of limited space even though it's actually got a decent bit of clearance for those who actually *gasp* stop and fucking look.

Add in that we don't have barriers at this U-Scan and what you get is that most of the time, customers will clip your heels with their carts if they don't seemingly try to slam you into the main till because fuck your personal space and safety apparently.

But U-Scan rants are for another day, so here's the actual story I'm complaining about:

So, remember that story I posted a while back, about the lady with the bare-butt kid?

Jason 043Well, it's not a good day for me this day, one because of my over-nerved brain and two, because a friend of mine with the annoying habit of sharing random info decided the previous night to inform me that, under our state's wonky laws, I am now unofficially a child predator because I looked at an under-aged girl's bits. Doesn't matter that I didn't want to look at them and was basically *forced* to look, that's what I am now and so are the customers I was serving at the time, the manager who walked by, any customers who walked by and the girl's family themselves and even technically the *girl* herself (who remember was maybe all of two years old). It doesn't help that he's that kind of sarcastic asshole that people like to glorify, so he made sure to remind me of it before I went into work that day.

So again, not a good fucking day and then I get stuck at U-Scan because of course I fucking do, so I try to tamp it all down and *not* kick customer carts that come too close behind me (it's a bit of an ingrained instinct unfortunately that I have to constantly fight) and muster through because I've got the next day off.

So far though, my luck's good, nice quiet day.

Then IT happens.

First, this little family comes through U-Scan. Two women and two small kids (my rough guess would be the kids are either both 3/4 or one's older at 4 and the younger's 3). Their cart's a little full for U-Scan, but they obviously split between two tills and they're fast with scanning and bagging (they're actually trying to make a game of it with their kids) plus we're slow at the moment so I don't say anything. Everything's fine and golden, until one of their kids starts crying really loud.

I look over and so does Mom A, but Mom B, who finished first is already in control of the situation and reassures us both that 1) he is fine and 2) what happened is he was playing with their cart and pinched his fingers on the little display sign thing on the cart's front. Really more startled him than anything. Again, she's got him on the way to calming down and I do try to offer band-aids if they need them but she reassures me he's fine and they're about to head home anyway (Mom A is almost done with her shopping at this point). Then THEY appear.

THEY shall be: Braying Jackass and Fat Fuck, with the unfortunate guest appearance of Tiny Toddler.

RHU Characters 203Braying Jackass starts off, suddenly shouting right as Mom B is in the tail end of reassuring me that, no, they don't need band-aids and scaring all three of us and making her kid start scream crying again. And it's obvious to Braying Jackass that this is all *hilarious*, because he's literally shouting out about 'Oh Hey! Here's Another [Store] Satisfied Customer! What's Wrong Little Man? No Cookies?'

Mom B is clearly unnerved and tries to tell him what happened but as soon as she says 'pinched', Braying Jackass turns on *me* and starts shrieking out about how, 'Why'd You Pinch That Child? How Could You? There Was No Need To Pinch That Little Boy! Why Do You Have To Be So Mean To Him?' and again, this is all shouted at the top of his lungs and the fucking fuck *winks* at me like this is all some enormous game and it's just so clearly funny to him and my vision is....going.

To try and keep myself from literally biting this asshole's throat open, I try to protest (bad move, I know, but it was this or honestly physically attack him because he unknowingly was hitting a horrible combination of trauma buttons for me) and he of course shouts over me while barreling through the forming crowd and he's just repeating the same things over and over, still accusing me of hurting that kid 'because I'm just such a big meanie!' and it's all I can do to not just explode in a shrieking rage of my own.

Then Fat Fuck barrels through in the wake of Braying Jackass and *HE* decided to get in on the fun and starts softly chiding me for 'hurting' that other little boy (who is now a screaming mess thanks to Braying Jackass) and even *blocking in* the Moms and their kids because he's literally just that fucking fat. When he finally moves forward because it's obvious I can't hear him, the Moms make their escape and I mentally wished I could run with them.

Especially because Fat Fuck then manuevers his cart to fucking *block me in* at U-Scan. Given the way he angles the cart and his own body size, I literally have to jump away from the main till to keep him from physically *leaning* on me. And he has the balls to give me a mildly hurt look (obviously a 'why'd you move?' look) before going back to so softly telling me that I don't have to pinch kids and if I *have* to pinch kids, then pinch *this* one (Tiny Toddler, sitting in the child seat of Fat Fuck's cart and being a surprisingly well-behaved and quiet kid given all the recent shouting) because Tiny Toddler can take it and here, he'll show me.

Fat Fuck then proceeds to start (granted, lightly) pinching Tiny Toddler in the general vicinity of the kid's upper armpit/nipple area, the whole while softly telling me, look see, he can take the pinching! Why don't I give it a try?

RHU, I honestly got the feeling that he was about to reach for my hand to *force* me to try and pinch his grandson in a rather inappropriate area. Again, this is all on the heels of being gleefully informed that I am now technically a child predator under my state's shitty laws.

HandAnd now here's Kiddo, trying not to fucking commit murder because of so many repressed memories and trauma coming to the forefront that I literally lock up and I know I was giving Fat Fuck a horrible look because I could feel pain in my jaw from keeping my mouth shut to avoid loudly demanding to know why he was trying to force me to abuse a child after his son (it was clear that Braying Jackass and Fat Fuck came in together) had just accused me of abusing a child.

After a moment he finally droops like he's just *so sad* that I won't play along with him and pinch his grandson like how he apparently wants me to and walks off with Tiny Toddler, finally allowing me to safely get back to the main till so I can handle the wailing U-Scan machines because of fucking course a rush formed at this moment because the world fucking hates me being any level of calm.

The 'best' part?

Later when I got cycled off of U-Scan and put on a till to help with a later rush, guess who fucking came through my line?

That's right, Braying Jackass and Fat Fuck!

I will not lie, that was the coldest and one of the quickest transactions I've ever done and I don't like it, but I know I was glaring them *both* down the whole time. Which is likely why neither of them really spoke to me during it either. I didn't care, I wanted them the fuck out of my line and out of my goddamn store. It was all I could do to *not* snarl at them the whole time and trust me, I wanted to rip into them the whole while.

But they don't know what they don't know and honestly there was a line and I didn't want to look like a bitch holding it up just to put a pair of fuck-tards in their place when they obviously saw no issue with anything they'd done.

Again, this was a while ago and I haven't seen any of them since but my stupid nervy brain keeps pulling it back up to wave in my mental face and really, I just want it to go away.

May all your customers use their fucking brains,




Misty Meanor

There aren't enough condolences for this, but you should tell your manager about those two assholes, and if they come in again, they should be kicked out if they try that shit again.


Misty, I agree with you 100%! What is wrong with people in this day and age? I don't know why anyone would ask a stranger to pinch their child even if it doesn't bother the child?


"because fuck your personal space and safety apparently."
That entire setup would make me scream due to claustrophobia already.

"I am now unofficially a child predator because I looked at an under-aged girl's bits."
Oh, complete bull. That's like saying I am an unofficial lesbian because I took a look at a woman's cleavage, whose boobs were prominently on display.
You see something out of the norm, your eyes move there. Doesn't mean you want to look. Your friend is an idiot.

"(it's a bit of an ingrained instinct unfortunately that I have to constantly fight)"
Just say that you are part-horse. Or part-ninja. Sneak up behind them, you kick.

"'Oh Hey! Here's Another [Store] Satisfied Customer! What's Wrong Little Man? No Cookies?'"
Awww, what'sa matter, Braying Fuck? Didn't get a puppy for your birthday?

"Why'd You Pinch That Child?"
Dude. Just... stop. You are embarassing yourself.

"'because I'm just such a big meanie!'"
Oh, no! He called you the big M-word! *clutches pearls in horror*

"Especially because Fat Fuck then manuevers his cart to fucking *block me in* at U-Scan."
Start screaming a mantra of "WIDE! OPEN! SPACES!" and (pretend to) have a meltdown. Nothing scares people, especially bullies, more than what seems like an overly dramatic, medical emergency. Rocking back and forth and holding your ears helps.


The information your friend gave you sounds odd, at least to me. Are daycare workers child predators? Just seems like there has to be just more than seeing a child naked, then again, I moved from a state who has more than its fair share of messed up laws...

But what an awful experience, for both, regardless. I feel terrible for that child. I'm sorry you had to endure that asshole.


OP, your friend sounds like the rest of the Reddit jackasses that think they're doctors/lawyers/cops. You're fine, you're not officially or unofficially anything.

He, however, is officially a moron and I would refrain from taking any further advice from him.


Hey guys! Thanks for your responses and to address a few quick things:

1) I do not take anything that 'friend' of mine says to heart. He's just one of those assholes who knows a lot of random things and likes getting reactions out of people/being a jerk-ass as much as possible. If it helps to give context, his favorite shows are Punk'd and Jackass.

2) Unfortunately we got a rush after I served them, so I didn't have time to point them out to my management. We're also a tourist-heavy location, so chances are high I'll never see them again, if there is any mercy left in the realm. However, I told the story around to both management and my coworkers and they all support me. If nothing else, I work with a *LOT* of moms, all of whom were very vocal on how Not Okay that all was.

3) In regards to the child predator bit, as I said, wonky state laws. At the risk of outing my state, we honest to God have a law where any physical contact that is uncomfortable and lasts longer than seven seconds can be considered an act of rape. I'm not lying. I *think* the law that he was quoting basically states that since I am not in a profession where I can reasonably be expected to be exposed to 'that' (ie, health-provider, day care worker, certain physical activities like swim instructor and so on), that's how I could be pinned with the label of being a child predator, all in abstract legal-ese. Honestly, I'm not worried about it, just annoyed that my idiot 'friend' wouldn't drop it.


Kiddo, I honestly doubt such laws could actually be followed. I mean, what if you are at, say, a park and a small kid decides that waiting to get home to pee is just too far away and drops their garments to pee on the grass, exposing themselves? Would everyone then have to be labelled a pedo and predator? (I've worked at a kindergarten once, yes, this can happen frequently)


I agree with Lightning and Sandman on that part. That law is impossible to enforce, because there was no intent on your part. As to the rest, this is why I never worked in retail. I have mild PTSD and severe anxiety. I can react unpredictably in situations like that, especially if you block me in like that, or if you touch me unexpectedly, or if I don't know you and you touch me. I'm so sorry you had to go thru that


Well, never worked in grocery stores and such. Gas stations allow a little more leeway, which is where most of my retail experience comes in


Hey guys! Back with some news:

So I did speak with a friend who has a legal background and what she said is basically yeah, that law is unenforceable in regards to me. The only way I could be tagged with it is if that mom had already had an on-going case against me and tried to use it like a shit cherry on a trash sundae. But even then, it's got a higher and basically guaranteed risk of back-firing on her as *she* was the one who chose to bring her half-naked daughter into a public space.

But yeah, it's a stupid law that as far as I understand it, only got passed as a kind of drag-net measure and a sort of reassurance for the over-dramatic 'Think Of The Children!' types.


Kiddo, that is good news! I hope you don't get anymore weird customers!

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