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Bad Retail Slaves: Too High To Find You

 

Carolanne ugh reallyFrom JohnnyHighGround , AskReddit

This was the only time I ever attempted a cross-country flight and return in the same day. I arrive at O'Hare at some ungodly early hour, only to discover my flight is departing from the C terminal. To get to C you have to go through this long, long, long underground tunnel...which is lit by eerie colored lights projected through glass block on the walls, and neon lights sort of strobing in the ceiling in different colors. And Rhapsody in Blue plays in this sort of eerie new-agey arrangement the whole time. At 4:00ish in the morning, that is some fucked up shit, lemme tell you.

But fine, I get my flight, I fly to San Francisco, I have my meeting, I come home. It is now probably 2:00am; I have been awake close to 24 hours. I walk back through Rhapsody in Blue to my car... which won't start.

Fuck.

Fortunately, I have AAA. So I trudge down to the parking garage office and call them. They ask me where I am. I say I'm at O'Hare airport.

AAA Agent: "What's the address there?"

Me: "...Seriously? It's O'Hare Airport. It's the busiest airport in the world."

AAA Agent: "I'm going to need an address."

I turn to the parking attendants. "What's the address here?"

Parking Attendant: "...It's the airport."

"Right." I tell AAA, "It's the airport. Maybe try 1 O'Hare Drive?"

AAA Agent: "...OK, we'll have a tow truck out to meet you in 10 minutes. Where are you?"

Me: "Parking Garage 2."

AAA Agent: "Can you be more specific?"

Me: "Right, sorry, I'm on the fifth level."

AAA Agent: "Can you be more specific?"

Me: "Um...my car is in aisle 20?"

Bad retail slavesAAA Agent: "Can you be more specific?"

Me: "Ah. Buh. Uh?"

AAA Agent: "We need to be able to tell our driver where to go."

Me: "...Fine. I'm in the second spot from the south end of aisle 20, on the west side of the aisle."

This is what she said next, and I swear this is true: "Can you be more specific?"

Me: "...No. No, I really can't."

It was at this time that, and I swear this is also true, I started running through the exercises I learned in high school when I was trying to learn how to lucid dream, to determine whether you're dreaming or not: looking at my hands, checking the clock repeatedly, the whole deal.

Finally: "OK, the tow truck should be there in about 15 minutes!" And she hangs up.

Great. So I chill with the parking attendants, who are practically in hysterics at this point, for about 10 minutes, then head out into the sleet to wait by my car. Soon, I see a tow truck pulling into the parking garage.

And he comes up to level 5, immediately heads back down, turns around, and leaves.

It is probably at least 3:00 in the morning at this point. I walk back to the office (this was before cell phones were in wide use) and call AAA again.

Me: "Yeah, I just called a little bit ago for a tow, and I just saw what I'm pretty sure was your driver come by and immediately leave."

Carolanne facepalm"I'm sorry, sir. He radioed in and said he wasn't positive exactly where you were." I am pretty sure my head was on fire at this point. "Can you verify your location?"

Me: "O'Hare Airport. Parking garage 2. Level 5. Aisle 20. Second from the end on the southwest end of the aisle."

AAA Agent: "OK, thanks, we'll send him back."

I trudge back to my car. In moments the tow truck returns. And, I shit you not, he once again drives up to level 5, immediately heads back down, turns around, and leaves.

I run back to the office. The attendants are no longer laughing; their faces wear expressions ranging from extreme pity to horror. I grab a phone and call AAA again. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?"

AAA Agent: "Excuse me?"

Me: "WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. GOING. ON. This is the third time I've called you--"

AAA Agent: "Sir--"

Me: "And I am stranded at the airport--"

AAA Agent: "Sir--"

Me: "And your FUCKING tow FUCKING truck FUCKING driver keeps driving past me and leaving!"

AAA Agent: "Sir! I'm sorry, but can you tell me where you are?"

Me: "O'Hare Airport, on level 5 of parking garage 2."

AAA Agent: "...Can you be more specific?"

Me: "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

AAA Agent: "Sir, if you're going to keep using that language--"

Me: "Sorry, sorry. I'm tired, it's late. I'm in aisle 20, near the south end. Please don't ask me to be more specific."

AAA Agent: "OK, I'll make sure the driver knows where you are."

Carolanne StrangleMe: "I... fine."

So, yes, I went back out to my car. And the driver came back. And this time I turned on my car lights and jumped up and down in front of them, waving my arms. And he stopped, thank jeebus, he stopped. And got out of his truck... Reeking of pot. "Sorry, dude. They weren't real specific about where you were."

He pulled my car up on the lift, failing to secure the straps around the tires so that I had to utter a prayer every time we went over railroad tracks, but he got me and my car home.

I canceled my AAA membership the next day.

And the kicker? My car wouldn't start because the exterior of the spark-box (or whatever) was dirty. A mechanical friend came by and diagnosed the issue. He wiped it down with an old sock. It started instantly from then until the day I traded it to Carmax.

--JohnnyHighGround

 

Comments

McHell Manager

"Exactly how more specific did you want me to be? How would you describe 8t, sir?"

BH

I hope you found the rival company of AAA to help you next time! You're lucky you had a friend with auto experience to help you! Why would a company hire someone addicted to pot to drive their customers around? Perhaps he didn't take his pot in order to pass the drug test. I would write a very long letter of complaint to AAA about what happened!

Misty Meanor

I hope you reported them.

Tech Support Survivor

And for some reason all I can think now....

"Dave's not here man"

TenebrisVenator

I got "Dude, where's my car" from that one. Probably because of the car related crap

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