Seems Legit: Honest Dishonesty
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Housecleaning Sees The Crazy Side Of Rich People


Carolanne facepalmFrom RHUer

I, and two other people, are a team that clean people's houses for my maid service job in a very affluent neighborhood. This is several incidents, but I'm condensing them into one post for you.

1) I'm cleaning the place up. Mrs. Johnson is home, puttering around while I dust the high places and such. Hubby calls his wife's cell phone, and wife answers. Discussion is normal tone of voice. Thirty seconds later, Hubby calls the home phone. Discussion becomes heated, and from what I can put together, hubby thinks she's cheating and was making sure she was at home where she claimed to be. Wife slams phone and fumes.


2) I clean house basically every two days, so I'm back. Hubby is now on a "business trip" and I am asked to do a little straightening in the bedroom. My team and I strip the bed, then I go to take fresh sheets out of the linen closet... but the door won't open. I can't even turn the knob. I tell the Mrs. Johnson that the closet door is jammed. She tries; can't get it open.

We ponder briefly, then Mrs. Johnson gets the idea to call Hubby about the "stuck door" and let him know that she's going to call someone to try to unjam it.

She hits Dial...... and the phone rings from inside the closet!

We turn to look at each other, disbelief in our eyes, as we can actually hear fumbling sounds coming from inside the closet. I take the door knob... and the door opens without resistance. Hubby falls flat on his face, the now silent cell phone in hand, at my feet.

The whole lot of us (the wife, my team, and I) are just staring at him.

Hubby: "Oh... uh... hi honey..." *lots of awkward fumbling as he gets to his feet, and he won't look any of us in the eyes*

From what I gleaned from the following the nuclear explosion, Hubby still thought she was cheating on him and pretended to go on a business trip, when in reality he was hiding in random areas in the house where neither of them normally go, to try to catch the supposed side boyfriend in the house. Naturally the maid service is invisible to this dude, so it never occurred to him that those clean sheets happen because the servants DO go into those places, until like, the very last second. He'd panicked and grabbed and held the doorknob to keep me from opening it the first time.

New Freddy 040Mrs. Johnson basically chases him out of the house entirely and he flees for his life. She's ALMOST at the point of cartoonishly brandishing a rolling pin as she chases him.

Her very next call is to a divorce lawyer.

I'm just shaking my head. I'm used to some odd shit accidentally discovered, overheard or observed, but so far this takes the cake.


3) I show up for another appointed house cleaning and find the woman seething while on the phone with her bank. Right before I came in, she discovered that their joint bank account is $4,000 short and she's trying to figure out where the fuck it went.

Where else? Hubby. Hubby bought plane tickets to another country, and withdrew the rest for cash on hand... not suspicious at all! Tell me again, WHO was supposedly to be seeing someone on the side? Hmmmmmmmmmm... Hello Pot? This is Kettle. Yeah, just checking to see if you're also still black.

Mrs. Johnson has plenty of money in her own account, being the bigger bread winner of the family, so she promises that the cleaning services are to continue as normal, since she can still pay us. I shyly suggest she call my home office. She can ask for a referral from the cleaning company for some trustworthy house movers to remove Hubby's personal effects from her home.

(The house movers and cleaning company sometimes share job requests and bounce off of each other; they often carefully pack up entire households, then leave the place to us to clean the carpets, clean shelves, etc, and prepare the house for new families moving in. It's a very beneficial arrangement for both of us and we refer patrons back and forth.)

Less than half an hour later, four big guys arrive at the same time her lawyer does (when you have big bucks, response time can be measured with a hand timer, apparently) and they go room by room. The lawyer notes everything that is slated as Hubby's that the movers take down and carefully pack. My team and I coordinate with the movers and clean up behind them so that there aren't even dust rings left behind where the removed things used to be.

Lawyer is making careful inventory of everything and its condition when removed so Hubby can't complain about breakage. Hubby's things are taken to a storage facility.


4) Time pass calmly. Details are sketchy from here on, but Mrs. Johnson is now Ms. Smith, and is very happily living her life as a divorced woman. Rumor has it that Hubby fared very poorly in court... and with half the stuff gone, the house is much easier to clean.





"hubby thinks she's cheating and was making sure she was at home where she claimed to be"
That guy needs to either work on his issues or divorce her very fast. Once you get to that stage, there's not much to save.

"Rumor has it that Hubby fared very poorly in court"
Well, acting like a lunatic will do that.


It's often the case when one member of marriage is messing about they accuse the other half of exactly the things they themselves are guilty of. Either it's deflective behaviour or guilt, either works.

This bloke is nuts, and stupid, and nuts.


I can personally vouch for that, Molly. I never cheated, but she was ridden more times than Seabiscuit, and she would constantly accuse me of cheating


That's very odd, Tenebris, I was accused repeatedly of cheating on my (now ex) husband when I hadn't, in the end I did because I was sick of the accusations and punishment when I'd done nothing. I mean, if you're going to do the time why not do the crime after all?

Maybe, well I have no evidence, he was messing about? He had far more opportunity than I did. I never even thought he might, who knows?

Of course, he wasn't quite as nuts as this bloke was.

Eddy Cator

Thanks Tenebris, I sprayed coffee all over my screen! I'm still laughing, even after having to clean it up!

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