I'd like to preface this by saying a wholehearted thank you to my coworkers. They're all awesome and are basically the friends I never asked for.
The other day, I'm enjoying breakfast on my day off when my phone rings. It's work. Preparing to be told that I'm needed to cover a person's shift today, I answer. It's the manager. Fuck.
Manager: "Hey, Supermutant, Boss just called and said that a customer from Monday night called in a complaint against you."
Wait, what? I think back to Monday night. Seven hour shift, lots of people celebrating our home team winning the Superbowl. Again. However, it was otherwise a fairly normal shift. Sure, a few customers were rude, but I maintained my cool to the best of my abilities. I ask if she heard anything about the incident in question.
Manager: "Apparently, some woman stepped out of line for several minutes, and you refused to take the man behind her, and started yelling at him to stay in line. You were then exceptionally rude to him once you finally began ringing him up."
Okay, no. I remember that there was a woman who stepped away from the register for ~10 seconds to grab another bag of chips, (2 for $5 sale, would've been stupid not to), but the man behind her agreed that I should finish her transaction before I start his. I relay this to my manager and comment that there was nothing else even remotely close to what was described.
Don't get any more calls for the rest of the day. I figure that my boss was just reviewing the footage, and that the matter is just going to be dropped and forgotten.
The next day roles around, and I head into work at 3pm for a four hour shift. During a particularly large wave of customers, the phone rings. One of my coworkers answers the phone with the standard greeting, before taking over my register and handing me the phone with a look of horror on her face, mouthing, "What did you do?"
Fuck. It's Boss, isn't it?
"Supermutant. I'd like to talk to you, if you've got a minute."
Oh yeah, it's Boss all right. I step into the back room, wholeheartedly preparing to be fired over the phone.
I casually ask if it's about the complaint.
He says yes.
I ask if the Manager told him what I told her.
He said details were fuzzy.
Boss: "So, Supermutant, what I want you to do is explain your side of the story. Manager said that you had an idea of what transaction the incident was. How did it start?"
I explain that the woman had a bag of chips, and I told her that she could get another bag for only $0.70 more. She stepped out of line, and immediately found what she was looking for in under 5 seconds.
Boss: "And where did this man come into the picture?"
I comment that the man glanced in my direction, seemingly contemplating whether or not to go forward, but decided to stay in line when he noticed that the woman was already halfway back.
Boss: "And that's when she started hitting him with her purse?"
I'm now utterly dumbfounded by this. All I can mutter in the face of such sheer stupidity is, "Are you fucking kidding me?"
Boss: "Yeah, that was basically my reaction to the voicemail. And the second voicemail, too. I've met with you enough times to know that that is completely out of character. Still, you're sure that nothing escalated from this incident? I'm going to have to check the security footage, so I need to know if there's anything to this claim."
I tell him again that nothing happened, and encourage him to review the footage over. He tells me to have a nice shift and hangs up. He shows up 30 minutes later, and sets up shop in the back office.
On this shift, I was working with Coworkers A B and C; B was the one to answer the phone originally, C was a trainee, and A was one of the assistant managers. A fourth one, Coworker D, will be coming in at 5. 30 minutes after Boss sets up, Coworker A heads into the back office and I see her watching footage with him out of the corner of my eye. I also hear the two of them chatting.
An hour later, A walks out of the office and asks B to come into the office with them. The three watch footage and chat for several minutes. Approximately 30 minutes later, Coworker D shows up for work, and is called into the back office. She shuffles out and C is called in shortly thereafter.
By this point, A already heard about what had happened, while B C and D were asking about what was going on. I explained it to the three, and they all agreed that it would be completely out of character for me. It was also revealed that the boss asked them each about things such as my temper, my ethic, and my attitude toward the customers. They each also wonder why the Boss is taking so long to find proof of my innocence. I begin to expect the worst.
Finally, two and a half hours after the boss arrived, he slowly closed the surveillance and rose from his chair with his hand cupped over his forehead. I'm expecting the worst. I see him intercept Coworker A on the other side of the store, who then shakes her head. I still expect the worst. She then walks over to the register.
Now, I want to stress this to the reader, everything that happened in this story actually happened. I just used titles for people involved instead of names, swapped out my dialogue for my current thoughts on the matter to spare the reader from reading the ramblings of a socially awkward cashier, and paraphrased a bit of the other peoples dialogue due to not having a photographic memory. I know you have no reason to trust me, so I say to instead trust the stupidity of the average consumer.
Coworker A looks me in the eye and says: "They called about the wrong store!"