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Haunted Retail Hell: The Bagel Gods Are Angry


7 MonstrousFrom MaraSargonTalesFromRetail

I am but a humble bottom-rung employee: bagger of groceries, returner of carts, and putter-awayer of go-backs. I know not how I angered the Retail Gods this day, but anger them I did.

It was a slow afternoon. The hour of rushing had yet to set upon us. I obtained some go-backs from the pile, and set about the task of putting them back in their proper places. It was in the course of this task that I found myself parallel to the bread wall in our in-store bakery. I searched and searched this wall for the proper spot in which to place the merchandise I was carrying.

It was in the course of doing this that I was struck with sudden blunt-force trauma to the side of my head, almost centered on my ear. It hurt, and as I massaged the stricken area I looked to find my assailant.

To my surprise, it was but a mere 6-pack of bagels.

I was nearly certain that all the bagels had been securely shelved prior to my arrival, and indeed the bag felt more as though it had been thrown when it struck me. Alas, not a soul was to be found who could have done such a thing; in fact, the bag had come from the bread wall itself, far too close for this to have been caused by human hands.

I remarked upon this to one of the bakery staff, still rubbing my head as I did so.

Her response was merely to say, "I keep telling everyone that damn shelf is haunted."

I returned to my station up front, still as nearly confused as before.

Whether it be a haunting or angry gods, one thing is clear: pay proper respect to your store's bakery, or you may find yourself assaulted by a flying bag of bagels.





You must know how some stores like to stack product higher than the divider for each side. I've seen employees fill one side of the shelf and the product push product on the other side on an employee filling that side. That employee put the product back and pushed the other product off on the first employee. I had to say something after that, while standing at the end of the isles, where I could see both employees, that had no clue, and a puzzled look.


Nah, the retail Gods are angered, and must be appeased. I recommend crustie sacrifice, as it seems to appease the Gods of Technology XD

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