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December 2017

Dumbass Customers: "you have apples in your caramel apples?"

 

Dumcusty

From tieyourshoes12, Tales From Retail:

I work at a candy store that sells caramel apples and this happened fairly recently. Customer comes in and asks simple questions like "are they sweet" or "how long do they last" so I'm thinking it's going to be a simple transaction. So she tells me her order and when the transaction is almost done, I ask her if she'd like her apple sliced. She's suddenly super taken aback and is like "apple???? what apple???"

This throws me off because when she came in, she was only looking at the apple case and asking me questions about it, so I thought maybe I assumed too much (we have some candy with the same names and I thought maybe she wanted candy instead). Cue the conversation below:

(C for the customer and M for me)

M: I'm sorry ma'am, were you talking about our candy?

C: no, I want the caramel apple.

M: ..... ok. Would you like that apple sliced?

C: apple? I don't want an apple!!!!

M: ... ma'am, the caramel apple has an apple inside.

C: (visibly confused) your caramel apples have APPLES inside them??

Dumcusty15Mind you, we have like 3 pictures of apples hung up around the store, the labels in front of the apples ALL say apples, and the sign behind me says 'we can slice your apples!'

M: .... yes.

C: (huffs) then I don't want it!!!!

Then she storms out. I was so confused for the rest of my shift and slightly frustrated at the lack of.... sense?? Why else would a caramel apple be named 'caramel apple'?? Makes me wonder what her version of a caramel apple is?? I wish I could say this is a one time experience, but I've also had customers ask me if there's cake in our apples, if the apples are strawberry filled (???), etc.

Anyways, conversations like these with customers really push me towards the belief that the general public is made up of idiots.

--tieyourshoes12

 

 

 


Black Friday Nightmares: The Meat Man

 

BLACKFRIDAY From desireerayTalesFromRetail

I used to work at an extremely large music retail store. Black Friday was something I looked forward to in between bouts of freaking the shit out. We had spent the entire day and partial night before preparing for it, and were pretty much exhausted before the day even started.

Our terminals crashed that morning, so we all got off to a bad start. When our terminals crashed we had to "Brown Bag," which means we had to take OLD methods of taking payment. We would write out your receipt on carbon paper and hope we had been calculating everything correctly on a calculator. This was seriously terrifying.

We had lines of people at our terminals, fighting over cheap speakers and keyboards, wanting the last ukelele, etc. etc. All the while I have to write out the customer's receipt, double check serial numbers, call in credit cards over the phone, etc. This made me want to just walk out and never look at a $79 keyboard again.

Luckily, at noon, our computers are back up. YES YES YES! Soccer moms are no longer wanting to slaughter me because I didn't get little Jimmy's guitar rung out fast enough. High fives all around, etc.

So. The day was all ready stressful. Way more stressful than usual. It was about noon, we were all stoked that our computers were back up AND we were in a kind of lull because all of the hardcore Black Friday shoppers started out so early. (lame for our commission!) It was busy, but not Black Friday busy. Anyways.

Creepy custyThis creepy looking dude walks in our store and immediately stands out amongst the rest of our shoppers. He is wearing a long black trench coat, and a hat that was reminiscent of the hamburglar. Yes, the hamburgler. No bandit mask, but straight up trench coat that could have easily been confused for a cape, weird hat, and extremely fucking weird, just like the hamburglar would probably be in real life. This dude was creepy looking. He smelled bad, and caught everyone's attention by the insane look in his eyes. Like straight up, families were stopping to stare at this dude, moms were pushing their children behind them, he was weird. Okay, I'm exaggerating just a little, but really he had a VERY terrifying look in his eyes. Everyone was super uncomfortable. There was definitely something really off about this dude, he definitely hadn't slept in a while, and looked like he was on drugs.

It was policy at our store to ask people to take off their backpacks and leave them at the front door. If they wouldn't, we'd tell them we had to check them at the end of their shopping trip. Well, dude did NOT respond well to being asked to take off his backpack. He IMMEDIATELY starts cursing, and giving the front door guy an earful of absolute crazy talk. He started dropping the N bomb, right as a mom walks in with her son.

A manager was standing nearby and had all ready been watching the situation since the crazy guy had entered our store. My manager politely asked the guy to not curse in our store, because there were families about. He was being way too cool to this guy.

The crazy man just starts spewing out a storm of nonsense, and is straight up YELLING the N word now, talking about the devil, jesus, gibson guitars, and all sorts of gibberish. If anyone wasn't watching this guy before, everyone has turned around and is watching now. Some, including myself, are debating between tears or laughter.

Since this man had walked in the store, he was chewing on something the entire time he was talking, and he was spitting it all over the place because he was yelling so much. THEN to amplify the weirdness of this situation, we find out what the shit this dude was eating.

He pulls out a bag of RAW MEAT (hamburger meat, just so you know) and just straight up starts eating it --in front of EVERYONE-- Blood is running down his mouth, and it is literally one of the most scary things I've ever seen. Luckily, this has escalated so much that every big guy in my store is officially getting ready to hulk up on this guy and push him outside.

Crazy custysThe cops have been called at this point, and my large coworkers have gotten crazy dude out of the building. My manager even took it upon himself to throw his stupid backpack out the door.

He's now SCREAMING, and throwing meat on the sidewalk outside, and spitting it everywhere. TOTAL chaos. Everyone is just kind of staring at him in bewilderment. He's officially not in the store so he's not our problem. I think half of the staff, if not a little more are just posted up outside, arms crossed, just ready for this guy to make a wrong move. However, he runs off in a crazy hamburglar-like manner after he realizes the cops are coming, and of course the cops pull up about fifteen minutes after he's gone.

When they finally got to the store, they knew exactly who he was, and had numerous complaints about him. They even knew the dude on first name basis, poor police officers.

It ended up fine, just shook a few people up, but I was seriously freaked out for a couple days after that. It was so off putting. He was yelling broken up pieces of proverbs, stuff about satan, screaming about guitars, and dropping the n bomb all at the same time.

I felt like this was too surreal and I was probably cursed or something. Just my fucking luck, cursed by a crazy methed out hamburglar at a guitar store. Not even a sweet gypsy.

Thankfully I wasn't cursed, AND he never showed up again. We all called him the meat man after that, and he was the butt of our jokes for a very long time afterward. Every Black Friday afterward, we always joked and took solace in the fact that it could probably never get worse than the meatman or the broken terminals.

--desireeray