Customer Rejects: Tide Pod Prankster
Font Fails: Flope

Managerial Hell: Your cashier smells offensive!




It started off as a pleasant enough day doing basic managerial things, followed by lunch. As my break was ending I walked back into the store. It was slow. Two cashiers were online with one customer each. I walked the floor to see how the departments looked. As I sauntered back up towards the front I see the greeter talking with an older woman who had finished at the check out. He waved me over.

Older Lady: "I just wanted to let you know your cashier stinks! He smells offensive."

Great. Gave my usual stern/concerned manager face, apologized to the woman and said I would address it with the employee.

After she left I walked over to the register. Now, we've had to have the hygiene talk with this employee before so I was expecting a stench. Nope. While he wasn't exactly daisy fresh 7 hours into his shift he didn't stink either. So I was a little perplexed and didn't say anything.

At the end of his shift I pulled him aside and mentioned that a customer had complained. He immediately said, "I know exactly who that was!!! I farted right before she walked up."

Somehow I managed not to laugh and suggested maybe next time leaving the floor for a minute if he is in intestinal distress.

-- ragbagger




This reminded me of one dog about 2 decades ago. It would fart and wake up immediately like it had been attacked, and we would instantly run to go at least 2 rooms away and close the door, so we didn't puke in the next 2 seconds.


We being the people in the room. The dog instantly ran out of the room when it woke up, we went the other direction.

A friend used to have a cat that could clear the room if you fed it lemon cake (which it *loved*). I mean, those cat farts could peel the paint off the walls. One guy thought it was funny, until the cat's person told him the punishment next time would be to be locked into the very small room with the cat until the stench passed.

Kai Lowell

I have a cat who can very easily clear rooms.

She likes to sleep on my head.

This does not end well.


My brother's cat didn't like to be picked up, so of course I used to do it at every opportunity. I'd had him locked up so he couldn't claw me once, and he gave a couple of increasingly louder warning meows, then... -REEK-. I put him down gently and said 'Well played', and went outside.

The cat liked me and would sit in my lap or rub against ankles for pets whenever I was there, it was just a game we played. Once the funk had funked off we came back in and when I sat down he hopped up in my lap and went to sleep.

My father took my brother and I to a friend of his when we were kids... adult conversations are profoundly boring for kids, so we played with their two dogs. One a big Rottweiler named Scutter. Sweet dog, and loved pickles. So we were feeding him pickle chips by putting them on top of his nose, where he'd stare at them crosseyed until we said 'Go', then snap his head to the side and eat them. Ended up going through half a jar or so. (We were really, really bored.)

About an hour later, we're sitting in the living room and Scutter's laying on the floor, when someone kickstarted a Harley, and Scutter jumped up and ran off... and then the smell hit.

I'd never HEARD a dog fart before, with no buttcheeks to flap together. This was very much not silent, but profoundly deadly.

Kai Lowell

Oh lord TT, you just reminded me of the Rottweiler my mum had when I was younger...who could also float audible air biscuits better than the best humans. Must be a Rottie thing.


I had to add this detail. The dog was a short wide muscled dog that had to sleep on it's back with legs in the air. It would wake up with it's legs running in the air until it flipped over. The air pedaling legs were our cue that the dog was about to take off, and would catch our attention even if we were drunk and playing video games.

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