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Mistaken Identity: Get Off Your Phone And Give Me A Gift Card!


1 Uniform JasonFrom chinesefoodweirdness, IDontWorkHereLady

My family has a great tradition that's probably similar to what a lot of people do. When we celebrate something a special event like a graduation or promotion or if we smoke a lot of weed, we like to celebrate it at a Chinese Buffet.

Maybe it's a combination of our lower middle class upbringing and our love of eating a shit ton of food at an affordable price @ $9.99 or less. Its probably because of the MSG.

Now my brother just graduated college and we were super stoked to get some buffet style Chinese, with some Chipotle style hibachi, some questionable sushi and super greasy egg drop soup.

Since it's an extra special occasion and he wouldn't be able to afford it soon with his crippling student loan debt, we went to a super fancy buffet restaurant. You knew it was fancy and delicious because they wore ties and it was $15.99 per head and they had unlimited (sub) prime rib on weekends for the classy crowd.

We just came from the ceremony, and were dressed up, females in cute dresses, males in business casual. I'm wearing a nice white dress shirt and a nice blue neck tie. Coincidentally I'm also Asian and about two shades of caramel darker than any of the employees.

All the FOH staff are uniformed in black shirts, red bow ties with luxurious branding on their aprons. They also had name tags with American names like Paul.

RESTAURANTOf 10 people, I was the 1st to arrive. I explained to the host we needed a table. She was very gracious and told me it will be about 10-15 minutes as there are other people waiting with the same idea. She gave me a little buzzer thing. Rachel was great.

Cool right? So, I went take a seat in the area adjacent specifically set aside and filled with people waiting. This is where I went wrong - I stood up to take a phone call from little bro and moved to the furthest corner of the room opposite of the hostess stand. Cause, you know, manners.

It was a perfect storm really. A line has formed while the hostess moved back and forth seating the othet parties when she came in. She was visually stunning, as in she stunned my peripherals. I can best describe her as discount rack Barbie with a hint of bedazzle and menthol. She was like a Bratz doll grew up with huge daddy issues and a coke nail.

She was determined and she seemed very inconvienced by normal busy restaurant procedure. We then traded looks. I fucked up. Not sure if it was the sunglasses obscuring her vision but apperantly I became the only Oriental in the room.

"Hey...heyyY...HAY!" She scuffed over while simultaneously trying to get me to come to her. I tell my brother to hold on. My internal monolougue knew something stupid was gonna happen.

"Yes...?" Mistake number 3 was acknowledging her.

"I. have. Been. Waiting. For. Someone. To. Help. Me." She spoke like she has been waiting for hours, when I literally saw her come in two minutes before.

" I can't help you, I don't wo-" She Kanye's me.

"Look, I just want a gift card, can you get off the phone and just get me a gift card something about gift card gift card gift card" is probably what she was saying because my pager buzzed telling me my table was ready. I just walked away because it's better to ignore crazy.

Jason strangleMethhead Madonna followed me, probably still talking, to the hostess stand. I promptly told Rachel in a louder than usual voice "this chick isn't with me." I was ushered to where the lady can see me sit down.

We shared eye to sunglasses contact for a second while she processed what happened. It was like she was a baby and I took her nose. I watched as she moved to the end of an even longer line, defeated. And almost instanously my party arrived. I smiled wide while as I waved my party over to our table bypassing her.

I forgot my brother was on hold, but he understood. We laughed, we ate, and I bought him a gift card for next time.





(giggles at "Like she was a baby and I took her nose.")


Hey hey:
My parents and grand parents would have told us "Hay is for horses."
Me and my friends would have said "we're the Monkeys and we don't monkey around."

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