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Mistaken Identity: No, I'm Not A Delivery Driver; Get The Hell Out Of My Car


1 Uniform JasonFrom largehawaiian, IDontWorkHereLady

So, just got home and finished half of my replacement pizza, and thought that I'd share why I have to refer to it as a replacement pizza.

So, there's a pizza place close to where I live, and sometimes after a long day at work I'm not in the mood to cook, so I place an order on their app for takeout when I leave work and pick it up on my way home.

Normally it goes off without a hitch, sometimes I even get there right as they cut it and place it in their warming bags. Today however things just weren't going my way. As I finally get there, the delivery guy was on his way out (important later), and when I was on my way back to my car, up comes the blind bitch (BB).

Apparently she thinks I'm a delivery driver, and that they all wear business casual. I'm opening my door, and had my pizza on the roof of my car as she stomps up to me and starts yelling. I don't register what she's saying at first (long day at the end of a long week with little sleep), but apparently she had ordered delivery and the guy hadn't delivered it yet, and her little brats at home were hungry.

I manage to get a word in while she takes a breath, and try and explain that i'm not the delivery guy, but BB isn't having any of it.

Crazy ladiesBB then stops yelling and grabs my pizza off of the roof of my car, thinking it's hers. She takes one look at it, realizes it isn't hers, and throws it on the ground. I'm standing there, still a bit shocked at her behavior, when she opens the passenger side door of my car and gets in, apparently looking for more. I finally snap into action and go around and drag her ass out of my car, and (knowing he had already left) tell her to go inside and yell at the delivery guy.

She apparently accepts now that i'm not the delivery guy, and without saying a word stomps inside, leaving me out there with a pizza with extra pavement for a topping. Not willing to give her the benefit of getting away with this shit, I follow her inside, curious as to how the staff will handle this, and to get another pizza.

BB is mid screech already as I walk in and stand by the door. Apparently she doesn't believe that the delivery guy already left because "the dumbass outside said he was."

The guy at the counter, Bob, who's worked there for a few years and is a nice guy, sees me by the door and asks if she's telling the truth. I simply tell him the bitch is crazy and owes me a pizza. Bob then assures BB that the delivery guy left 5 minutes ago, and apparently she accepts this, and starts to walk to the doors. Bob then chimes in and says that since she wouldn't be able to get home before the delivery guy made it there, she could pay here and he'd tell him to just leave it and run. She agrees, mumbling something about them not being as stupid as she thought, though she apparently had a problem with the amount, which wasn't what she was quoted on the phone.

Bob told her what was on the receipt, Her extra-large vegetarian pizza, a 2 liter of pepsi, my large pizza and one of those big cookies. BB goes apeshit at Bob, asking what the fuck he was thinking trying to pull that.

Bob, somehow managing to keep a straight face, asks her if what I said was true, to which she replies "So what if it is?"

Bob just says "You break it, you bought it, simple as that" and BB then in an huff turns to try and apparently run away and try and get home in time, but stops dead when she realizes I'm still standing there by the door. I just motion with my fingers for her to turn back around and pay, and Bob adds that he can always call the driver and have him lose the pizza.

JUSTICE SERVED 2BB looks genuinely shocked, and said we were trying to blackmail her (over a pizza, really?). After a minute of pouting she caved and paid, swearing at us the whole time.

She then stomps out, gets back into her car, and peels out of the parking lot like she was being chased by the cops, and Bob tells me that my new pizza will be about 12 minutes. He then says he added the cookie as a way of apologizing for her, and was surprised that she didn't notice it,and also said he'd go back and void my original order to give me a refund. We laugh and eventually I get a fresh, hot replacement pizza, and the cookie, and go on my way after thanking Bob again for dealing with her the way he did.

While writing this up I realized that Bob never actually called the delivery guy, and that I should ask him about it next time I go in.

Edit: thought I had stated this, but my pizza was a plain one. The one thing people naturally assume once they find out I'm Hawaiian is that I like pineapple on my pizza. I HATE THAT, it's an abomination of pizza and good taste.

EDIT #2: So, I went down there earlier today to see how things turned out, and Bob was there (he's always there, might even live there for all I know) along with the guy who was delivering last night. Bob said he got another angry call from BB when she got home (not long after I left, so she didn't live too far away herself), and she was furious that the pizza wasn't there when she got home, not realizing that there were other stops on this guy's route.

After she hung up Bob called the delivery guy and filled him in on her, and told him to ring once and leave it. Delivery guy gets to BBs lair and can hear BBs spawn playing video games loudly (not just the game, but the kids were yelling at other people playing online), so delivery guy decides to ring once, wait a minute, no one answered the door, and just left her order on her welcome mat. Neither have heard from BB again, so for all they know it's still out there.

Oh, and for those out there who are apparently in shock that a Hawaiian doesn't like pineapple on his pizza, 2 things.

1st: It didn't originate in Hawaii, it was a Canadian who first did it, so Blame Canada.

2nd: My father grew up in New York, so I guess I inherited my fine taste in pizza from him.




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