From Riadyt, Tales From Retail:

A while back, when I was sixteen, I had taken a job at a local grocery store. I lived in a small town, and even through the store was quite small, it was the largest one in the county.

During the second week of working there, I was loading sodas onto a shelf when I lady walked by. The lady, who I'll call Lady, had a shopping cart filled with various packages of frozen dinners, and at least a dozen twelve packs of Mountain Dew.

Unfortunately, I wasn't examining the contents of the cart, but the frame of the woman. She had thin arms compared to her protruding belly, and no flabs underneath her chin to suggest obesity. Me, being the conversational person that I am, began to talk with the woman.

"Hello, how's it going?" I asked.

"OK, do you guys have any Tilapia? I didn't see any." Woman said.

"No, sorry ma'am. But we do have salmon, trout, and catfish. Would you like any of those?"

"No, I'm craving Tilapia." Lady had a slightly annoyed twist to her tone, so me being the gentleman that I am, attempted to lighten the air.

"We will get some more in a couple of days. I can ask the manager to hold some for you." Then added as an afterthought. "When is the baby due?"

"I'm not pregnant."

The aisle at the time was pretty full with people, it was a few days before the super bowl, and every one was trying to get their supplies before they sold out. So the whole aisle, which had about twenty people in it, went completely quiet.

You know how when you realize you've done something incredibly stupid, and your mind just goes blank and you freeze like a deer illuminated by headlights? Well, I was feeling that exact sensation. I almost dropped the 2 litter of cola that I was holding.

"I'm not pregnant." Lady repeated a bit louder.

"I'm so sorry ma'am." Was all I was able to mumble.

"Why would you think I was pregnant? My husband works at the fishing store next door, would you like me to give him a call and tell him what you just said? He is a veteran, and would be more that pleased to know who disrespected his wife."

"Please don't do that. I'm really sorry ma'am. It's been a really busy day and I'm really tired. I'll completely pay for the items in your cart to make up for it."

Her face was still solid and stern, and I began to grow desperate. "This is only my second week here and I REALLY don't want to lose my job. I'm once again, REALLY, REALLY so-"

"Kid," Lady intervened. "I'm just fucking with you. The baby's due next month." She suddenly burst out laughing and pushed her cart out of the aisle, leaving me breathing hard and struggling to suppress a panic attack.

--Riadyt