I was just browsing through some of the lovely stories here and was reminded of a very fond memory of mine I thought you'd all enjoy.
SF: salad fingers
Me: 17 year old working first fast food job, quickly loosing faith in humanity.
So to establish setting, my first fast food job ever was at a chain carhop style establishment. We're talking grease laden burgers, corn dogs and milkshakes. It was NEVER the kind of business to pretend to be healthy. This was yeaaars ago so I don't know if their menus have changed since then, but at the time we barely even put vegetables on our burgers, much less had salads. Cue SF pulling in and pressing the button to order.
Me: thank you for choosing " " would you like to try our delicious insert disgusting promo item here
SF: UGH no!!!!! I just want the McSalad*.
I smiled a little bit because I thought she was just playing off how grossly unhealthy the item I just promo'd was.
SF: I just TOLD you the McSALAD!!! Extra dressing!!!
I start to process she's serious, and I genuinely become concerned. I figure out where her car is in the lot so I can make sure she isn't showing signs of a stroke or some kind of mental issue. Turns out, she's parked in the spot right in front of me. She's middle aged, looks healthy and well put together and driving a nice car.
Me: Oh, I'm sorry m'am we don't have any salads here. The place you're looking for is across the street though!
SF: WHAT. Thats ABSURD. You must be new! I come here every day and get this salad!
Granted, I'd only been there a few months so I told her I'd go double checked with my cooks and see if we used to promo a salad but I was 100% certain we didn't have salads at the moment. Several of them had been there years, and they told me NOPE. No salads.
SF realizes she can see me from her car and is now just... staring. Intensely. Like she can't believe the practical joke I'm pulling. Then she starts in again, speaking very slowly.
SF: I. Want. The. Mc. Salad.
Constant eye contact, glaring.
At this point I try to explain to her that even the NAME of the salad suggests a different brand, she's having none of it.
Me and SF go back and forth for awhile, to the point where she actually starts to get upset and her voice sounds like she's going to cry she's so frustrated.
My manager finally gets free from whatever it was he was doing so he went out to her car to talk to her.
She genuinely just could not comprehend that we didn't have her specific salad. She left, after hours more staring. It's been a few years, but I think she said she'd call corporate on us for playing such a mean prank.