From GwanThwei, TalesFromThePetShop

I work at one of the larger chain stores and have been with this one for about a year and a half now. Among the many, many things i've seen from our customers, one thing I notice is that some of them don't seem to think that we have things we need to do.

Around the time school was getting out, I was working the closing shift and we suddenly had a LOT of calls coming in. I asked the MOD if we had some sort of sale of adoption event going on, only to be told we were simply getting a lot of prank calls. I've heard some of these before and so I knew what kind of things to be listening for, but unlike one of my co-workers I didn't have the time or the patience to play along with these Bart Simpson Shenanigans.

I decided it would be best if I quickly answered any 'concerns' as quickly and as nicely as I could before hanging up. Luckily for me, it was only a small group of girls making those calls, mostly from one phone.

Before I get too much farther it's important to know that when someone calls the store any staff member can pick up, and that when you answer you say a scripted phrase to let the customer know what store they've called, where that store is and which employee they're talking to. I will be Me and whoever I'm talking to will be Prank Caller, or PC.

Me: Thank you for calling (store), this is (Me), how can I help you?

PC: Do you guys sell any Buffalos?

Me: Nope, just your standard pets here. If you'd like a Buffalo I'd suggest talking to Yellowstone and see if they can help you out. Sorry! >click<

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Me: Thank you for calling (store), this is (Me), how can I help you?

PC: Yes Hello, do you guys sell any Chicken Potatoes?

Me: Nope, all our animals are sold as pets, not food. I'd try calling a restaurant in the area and see if they serve those. Sorry! >click<

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Me: Thank you for calling (store), this is (Me), how can I help you?

PC: >click<

Me: Well okay then!

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Me: Thank you for calling (store), this is (Me), how can I help you?

PC: Is this (name)???

Me: Yes it is! What can I help you with?

PC: Oh.. hey, uh...how have you been? I haven't seen you in forever, we need to hang out again!

Me: That would be great!

PC: I'll call you later okay? Bye (name)! >click<

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Me: Thank you for calling (store), this is (Me), how can I help you?

PC: (NAME)???

Me: Yep, same as before!

PC: Oh uh...I was thinking of a different (name). We still need to hang out though!

Me: That sounds good! Let me know what time works for you! >click<

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Me: Thank you for calling (store), this is (Me), how can I help you?

PC: Do you sell any Tigers?

Me: Nope, just your standard pets here. We do have cats to adopt, but if you're looking for a tiger I'd try contacting the Zoo to see if they can help you out. Sorry! >click<

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Around this point I realize that the name that comes up on our outdated store phones for all of these calls is the same one. The next time we get a call I answer it in my Quick Draw Mcgraw fashion and get ready for the kill.

Me: Thank you for calling (store), this is (Me), how can I help you?

PC: (deep, obviously fake voice) Hey there, sorry about all those calls asking for Tigers. What I'd really like to do is give you some Relationship Advice - are you dating anyone right now?

Me: Actually I'm taken and I'm very happy with who I'm with, but thank you.

PC: Oh..

Me: Before I let you go though, I think there's something you should know. Caller ID has been around for a while now, and even though our store phones are outdated by at least 5 years we still have it, and so we can see who's making all of these calls.

PC: Oh......okaythanksbye >click<

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Remarkably enough, that stopped it for the rest of the day, and I still haven't seen that name come up again. With any luck they've moved onto something else to waste people's time with.

--GwanThwei