A friend texted me and needed to be picked up from a bar so she could get her home as she just had a minor seizure.
So after peeling myself out of the computer chair and dusting off the layer of Cheeto dust that accumulated during my 4 hour FFXIV session, I hop in my car in a bathrobe, PJs, slippers and looking like a hot mess with orange fingers, messy beard and conditioner in my hair.
I pull around the corner to get to where her friends have her sprawled on the ground, but before I get there a group of drunk college kids nearly jump in front of my car and flag me down thinking I was their Uber.
Now. I do have the stickers in my window, so it’s not uncommon for people late at night to peek in my window and mouth “are you my Uber?”. A frown and a head shake and they usually get the idea. However as soon as I stopped mid-turn in a right hand turn, I roll my window down to tell them to clear the way, but then a group of drunk college kids open my passenger door and start piling in.
Despite my protests of “I’m not your Uber, get the fuck out!” About three of them pile in before they get the message.
It was at this point however the cop shows up.
An SUV pulls up, light flashing and bullhorns me to pull over. So now I’m arguing with drunk morons,who are offended I’m yelling at them and an impatient cop who wants me to pull over. So I do, right in front of my friends who proceed to load my friend into the car, weak from a post-siezure episode and is basically a rag doll. As I’m trying to buckle her in, the cop pulls up besides me and proceeds to give me the “you can’t stop here” lecture at which point I spin around in my seat and yell “my friend is having a siezure!”
I lean back a bit as my other friend tries to hold her up. The cop takes a look at her and asks “is she OK?”
No. But I reply “She’ll be fine, I just need to get her home and get her meds.” And proceed to drive off. Except the cop gets on his bullhorn as I’m pulling forward and orders me to stop.
I throw my back out leaning out the window and yell “are you fucking serious!”
Luckily I guess the officer came to his senses and told me I was free to go.
And that’s why I’m bedridden right now with a back spasm.