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Religious Freaks: "Veggie Tales, And I'll Pray For You!"

 

Jason crossFrom Puppies In Prada

Religious Freak sighted!

Donation door time. Things are moving along, when an elderly lady and her husband come to the door. She has stuff to donate.

K. Cool. What'cha got? Okay, some clothes, misc housewares.

And then she pulls out a little wall clock with some... er... vegetables with faces. Okay, I do not understand this fashion of putting faces on my food, but whatever. (Seriously, Shopkins disturb me. Maybe I'm a snobby American, but food should not still have its freaking face. It's like it's watching you devour its flesh...)

... *ahem*

Her: "And this Veggie Tales Clock. Are you familiar with them?"

Me: "Ah, no. No I'm not familiar with them. But I'm sure someone who is will love this clock."

Her: "Oh, are you a Christian?"

This can't end well. Fuck. Me.

Me: "No, ma'am. I'm not."

Her: "Oh, well never mind then."

She adds it to the donation pile and I write up a receipt. Then she spots my shirt.

Shirt: "Sweet mother, sweet mother, send your child unto me, for the sins of the unworthy must be baptized in blood and fear."

For those not in the geekdom, it's a prayer from the Elder Scrolls game series, to summon the Dark Brotherhood... a guild of assassins. A wee bit disturbing, perhaps, but I am also the kind of person who would wear a Heartless shirt over a Sora shirt, or an Umbrella shirt over a S.T.A.R.S shirt, or an Aperture Laboratories shirt over a Chell shirt. [Also geek references. If you don't get them, google them. *shrugs*]

Her: *Horrified expression*

Me: "It's a game reference, ma'am."

Carolanne omgHer: "Have you accepted Jesus!?"

Fuck. Me. Again. I just told you I'm not a Christian.

Me: "No ma'am. I'm not a person of faith."

Woman: "I will pray for you."

And I'll talk to my pet parrot for you. It will net the same results.

Me: *politely* "If it makes you happy, by all means, ma'am."

Her: "No, really, I'll pray that you'll find Jesus and be saved by God."

I read the Bible. That's WHY I'm an atheist, precious. And maybe you MEAN well, but you're basically praying that my free will is forcibly subjugated and that I am forced to surrender it in order to blindly believe in something that I don't believe in. Not. Appreciated.

Me: [patented Retail Smile (TM)] "Okie dokie, ma'am. Have a lovely day and enjoy the beautiful spring weather! Bye bye now!"

Fellow atheist coworker: "Did she lose Jesus again? I swear they need to put a bell on him or something."

-----

Related but non-retail story:

I tell my mom about my encounter:

Me: "Do YOU know what Veggie Tales is about?"

Mom: "Well, it's a kid's show and they tell Bible stories through the vegetables."

Me: "...Boy I bet they dumb that way the fuck down. The Bible is FULL of sex and violence. Hell, God drowning the world is pretty damn dark."

Mom: "...well in the show, the world is filled with soup."

Me: "?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Within the context of the world, that's FUCKING SICK! That means "God" is literally chopping them up and boiling them! THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR KIDS?!"

I tried watching one episode on youtube just to say I was open minded. I lasted 30 seconds because an asparagus spoke in a voice that sounded like nails on a chalkboard. After the fourth light bulb in the house shattered, I gave up.

--Puppies In Prada

 

Comments

Samus

I am such a nerd I understood every single reference. lol

TechTyger

"Matthew 6:5 New International Version (NIV)
Prayer
5 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full."


I got all but the STARS one.

McHell Manager

One of these days, I will have time to sit down with a pushy religious person and explain to them why I am atheist/agnostic. They will be crying by the end of my talk (why God allows innocent children to be raped, why God allows murder, how many people cannot follow the simple teachings of "Above all else, love thy neighbor as thyself, etc)

TechTyger

I'm not at all religious, I happened across that quote on, of all places, a Cracked.com article. "Tombstones for things that need to die in 2017". One of them was the douchetage 'prayforyou' and the phrase 'our thoughts and prayers are with them'.

TenebrisVenator

Meh. It depends. I'm not a christian at all, but my Fiance is, so when she's going through tough times, I pray for her, in addition to helping her. It makes her feel better, and at the very worst, while I doubt it helps, it certainly can't hurt. She's also not one of those "Push your religion on everyone" types, she just has faith, and I'm completely cool with that. On a side note, I think those religious types that keep losing Jesus just need to get him a smart phone with a tracking app

TechTyger

(giggles) "Have you found Jesus?" "What, did you idiots lose him again?"

In an old book, "When Gravity Fails", one of the characters told another (annoying) one "Go with Allah, my friend. I think I saw him heading toward the north wall."

badwolfdancer

I grew up Christian (not anymore) but I loved Veggie Tales. I sometimes still get those stupid songs in my head. I was like 10 though, so it was in my age range lol

Kai Lowell

I will sadly admit to having the "new and improved Bunny Song" stuck in my head on occasion.

I don't even remember where I first heard it; the family's not religious, the wee ones never watched Veggie Tales...

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