Years and years ago, I worked at the only location in a pretty big resort area of a We-Яecently-Bankrupt toy store, so we were busy year ’round. Which meant the Babies-We-Be department would run BOGOs pretty much constantly. It became a daily chore explaining — not even math — simple logic to people.
$Clueless (shoving a receipt and a onesie in my face): This didn't ring up right.
$Me (inspecting receipt, knowing what’s coming): Well, ma’am, the sale is buy-one-get-one-free, but you only have one of these. If you’d like to bring me another one, I can ring it up for you, and as long as it’s the same price or less than this one, it won’t cost you any extra.
$C: No, I don’t want another one. This one should be half-off.
$Me: I’m sorry, but the sale isn’t half-off; it’s buy-one-get-one-free.
$C: That’s the same thing. This should be half off.
$Me: No, ma’am; they aren’t the same. You only get the sale price on two, not on one. You can have a second one free, but you pay full price for the first one no-matter-what.
$C: That’s false advertising!
Every time. The same @#$% thing. Every @#$%ing time …
… Except there were the special cases who tried to teach me things …
$C: You’re running a sale on two for the price of one, right?
$C (tapping receipt on the counter): Well when you divide it out, that makes each one half price. So this one item should be fifty percent off!
$Me: …Except that if the two items are different prices, you pay full price for the more expensive one, and you get the other free. So no, I’m afraid there’s nothing half-price about this sale.
… And the, um, extra special, customers who simply forgot where they were shopping. (Yeah, right.)
$C (handing over an item with no receipt): I just bought this, but I forgot to get the other one. I’d like to get the sale, please.
$Me (inspecting the item, noticing the brand): I’m sorry, but we don’t sell this brand, ma’am. Are you sure you don’t have your receipt?
$C: Well, I just bought this here, not ten minutes ago!
Are you accusing me of something?
$Me: Well, ma’am, this tag here, sewn right into the garment, has Kohmpetitor’s logo right on it.
$C: Now you look here! I will not have you being rude to me, young man!
After the first few times, especially with one or two repeat, um ’customers’ …
$Me (reaching for my walkie-talkie): Excuse me one moment while I get security and my manager.
Somehow, every time I did that, the person grabbed their clothing and ran out the door. How strange.