This guy was a doozy... he's either crazy, or possibly harassing retail workers is his only hobby.
I heard a bit of a hassle going on at a new cashier's register, so I stepped over to see what was going on. The cashier was trying to find his bonus card account. Our default is to search by name, but he was insisting on using his phone number, which is possible but it takes a few extra steps. After a few tries we were not able to match his account with any of the phone numbers he provided.
Cashier will be New Cashier (NC), I will be ME, and the customer will be Condescending Old Know-it-all (COK)
NC: "Nothing is coming up, can we try with your last name?"
COK: "Why isn't it working with my phone number? Are you typing it correctly? I don't understand why it's not working!"
NC: "I think maybe it's under a different phone number maybe?"
COK: "There is no other phone number!"
NC: "I think maybe...."
COK: "I don't care about what you THINK, I want to hear what you KNOW!"
(At this point I step over)
ME: "Sometimes when folks fill out the bonus application they don't provide a phone number, it's not required."
COK: "Well why not? Why is this so difficult?"
ME: "I don't know, can we...."
COK: "Why don't you know?"
ME: "Can we just try to find you account with your name?"
COK: "Fine. It's CondescendingOldKnowItAll; C... O...N...D..E... " (proceeds to spell out name as slowly and deliberately as possible)
NC: "Ok, there are two names here, a Bill and a Shirley..."
COK: "Neither of those are me..."
NC: (gives street names associated with accounts) "Is one of those your address?"
COK: "Yes, I live on West Angry Lane, but I'm not Shirley!"
NC: "Um... is Shirley your wife?"
NC: "OK then... " (Rings up transaction)
COK: still grumbling about why we couldn't find his account with a phone number
ME: "I can look up your account over here and see if there is a phone number listed... no, there is no phone number associated with your account."
COK: "Well why not?"
ME: "It looks like Shirley did not provide a phone number when she applied."
COK: "Why not?"
ME: "I don't know... as I said, it's not required, she probably chose not too."
COK: (grumbles some more)
ME: "Would you like to add a phone number to the account?"
COK: "HOW are you going to do that?"
ME: "Just fill out this form and I'll have the office add it."
He fills it out, I read his phone number back to him because God knows I want to make sure it gets into the system correctly.
COK: "555-555-ZERO 792... Zero, not O!"
COK: "ZERO is a number, O is a letter... Do you even know the difference?"
ME: "I'm pretty sure I do."
COK: "Why does everything have to be so difficult!"
And he goes on his merry way, leaving much rejoicing at his departure.