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Tales From The Front Desk: We Can't Make This Up


4 hotel skulliesFrom LokoManiac, Tales From The Front Desk

I work at the front desk of a hotel located on a college campus. Smallish, but a nice job. I am a student while working, so I have what I like to call the "sleeper" shift; the shift where people are either falling asleep, or getting shit faced (between 11pm - 1am).

One day, a gentleman came in drunk as hell. Seriously messed up. We're not going to give this guy a room, and my night manager is telling him we have no availability.

Well, this guy is PIIIIIIISSED, and begins shouting. We tell him that we have nothing and that he needs to leave before we have the campus police escort him out.

Well. The guy gets quiet. He takes two steps back. He then crouches over and just screams. They straightens up with his dick out! We have a grandfather clock in the lobby (nearly had "clock" autocorrected to "cock", which is about to be humorous), and this man runs over to it and slaps his exposed member on the side of it as fast as he could, screaming the entire time. He then stands up, throws his hands up to the sky, and then falls on his back. He is now spread eagle, dick out, and now he's silent.

My manager and I look at each other, then at the guy who apparently is... Asleep? Dead?? And we come out from around the desk to take a look. He's asleep. Just... Dick's out, Lights out.... So we call the police, and I am tasked with covering him up. I grab the smallest washcloth I can find (because fuck this asshole) and place it over his exposed gentleman.

The officers arrive in 5 minutes. They walk over and one if them gets curious about the washcloth (because my manager decided NOT to disclose the nature of this man's exposure), and yanks it off! The officer just shouts "Holy fucking Jesus Christ it's a fucking dick!" (Not even making that up). Now has his hand covering the member.

The other officer gathers some info on what happened from us, and the other officer is tasked with putting Humpty Dickty back together again.

We've black listed the man, probably plenty of indecent exposure charges, and the officer used about a half a bottle of our hand sanitizer.





Officer Dick is going to be teased about that til he retires.


I thought all cop cars had gloves for bio-hazard mitigation.

Kai Lowell

I am laughing so hard at "Humpty Dickty" and I'm not quite sure why.

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