Editor's Note: Warning, this turned gross further down!
This happened a few years ago when I made the mistake of ordering from a popular sandwich delivery chain, one that prides itself on speedy delivery.
What you need to know about me is that I'm pretty easy going when it comes to food service. The last thing I want to do is upset folks who are handling my food, largely because I don't want to give them any reason to tamper with it.
I'm polite, I don't complain, I don't send food back or ask for compensation, and I always tip. Apparently, that's not always good enough, but I digress.
I was feeling a bit under the weather and didn't feel like cooking so my wife and I decided to order a couple sandwiches for dinner. She ordered hers with extra peppers and a bag of chips. I got mine with a cookie and a drink.
And then we waited.
An hour goes by, and I start to worry. We had ordered online, and delivery from this place usually doesn't take very long. (hence their tagline) Maybe something went wrong. Maybe they're busy.
30 more minutes go by. Fuck.
I call up the store, and am greeted by a friendly employee (FE)
Me: "Hi, sorry I was just calling to check on my order, we ordered about an hour and a half ago and haven't received it yet."
FE: "Oh, sorry about that" confirms order details "Yes, it should be out to you soon, I apologize for the long wait we only have one driver this evening and we're busier than usual."
Approximately 2 hours after we had originally ordered, the delivery driver shows up. Having been delivery drivers ourselves, we give him the benefit of the doubt, and tip him normally. No complaints. Then it hits me.
He forgot my drink.
I rush outside hoping to catch him, but he's gone.
Now, ordinarily I might have shrugged it off, but since I'd already waited 2 hours for my food I decided to call back and was once again greeted by FE.
I explain the situation and he offers to have it sent out immediately, with a free cookie of my choice for the inconvenience.
I ask if he can just take off the price of the drink from my order, and he refuses, so I accept his offer.
Another 45 minutes go by before the delivery driver returns.
I'm pretty annoyed at this point, but I thank him for the drink, and apologize to him since it is now just 10 minutes to closing time.
Nearly 3 hours after I originally ordered my meal, I sit down to enjoy my long-awaited beverage.
I open the bag that contained my consolation cookie, and surprise: It's the wrong cookie, but more importantly there's no straw.
Up to this point, you might have been wondering why the title of this post is "Thank goodness he forgot the straw."
I had no reason to suspect that the delivery driver was angry with me. I had been polite. I didn't complain about the extremely late delivery, and I had tipped him generously. I hadn't wanted him to make an extra trip just to bring my drink. I just didn't want to pay for something I hadn't received. Fuck me, right?
There, on top of the ice was an unmistakable glob of translucent off-white slime; A big, fat, hate-infused lugie.
From there, it went exactly as you might expect. I proceeded to call the store for a third time, and as calmly as possible, I asked to speak to the manager, who was cooperative.
This was the result:
I received a full refund, obviously, and the assurance that the delivery driver would not be receiving the tip for that order, and that he would most likely be let go.
I was offered a generous store credit, which I declined since A) I would not be ordering from them any time soon, and B) I didn't want it to seem like I just wanted free food.
I was contacted by the regional manager, who was extremely apologetic and understanding, and tried again to compensate me with free food, which I again declined. He also confirmed that the delivery driver had been fired.
I was mailed an apology letter from the corporate office which included a gift card (which I gave away).
I have since resumed ordering from there, but I no longer get drinks. Every time though, I still think about how I narrowly avoided becoming a victim of his poorly executed revenge.
Thank goodness he forgot the straw.