Last Shift at Toys-R-Us
Customer Rejects: One of these things is not like the others

Movie Theater Hell: Inappropriate


2 movie theater hellFrom thisshortenough, TalesFromTheTheatre

Before I start I would like to say I'm using theatre in the sense of Broadway/West end shows not movies. But there's nowhere else to post it that I would feel appropriate so this will have to do. Plus it's pretty similar in terms of service. Also apologies for the length

Anyway on to the story.

Currently, we're finishing up our run of a particularly popular musical. Soon we'll be able to say So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu to it and put the whole Christmas nonsense to rest. Because this is a show families adore and it has been the Christmas season, we've had to put up with a lot of people who have never been to the theatre before but have a lot of expectations and demands. I've been taking it in stride tbh, I've been pretty into the Christmas spirit myself. Over the past couple of days, I've developed a pretty bad cold which has brought me right down.

Cue this woman who I will call GW (short for Gin Woman).

I had seen her before the show when she had come up to me at the bar and ordered a double gin and tonic for pre-show, and two for the interval, plus two pints. This is where I should have had a clue but honestly, it's the Christmas season, everyone's been a bit merry and if she had started acting up security would have been up in a flash.

So pre-show goes fine, the first act goes down, the interval is busy but handled well. I'm coming back from the bathroom and about to start counting up my till when I see that GW is still sat out in the foyer, drinking. Not out of the ordinary, the interval is only twenty minutes long and a lot of people prefer to finish their drinks than go back in. It's a little annoying because it means we have to keep our customer service faces on for longer but still, I'm gonna be leaving within an hour and a half, I don't really care about someone finishing off a drink.

Except GW starts listening in on our conversations and interjecting with what she thinks are funny quotes. I mention to my supervisor that I don't know whether fifty cents left out near the till was actually a tip or whether I was supposed to put it back in the till. GW chimes that I should make sure not to spend it all in one place. Ha. Ha.

Jason doctorWe end up having to speak in whispers until GW eventually decides to go back inside, giving us an over the top wave as she goes. Whatever, let's get on with our work.

An hour later and it's the end of the show and we're directing everyone out. The usher has gone to get rubbish bags for cleaning the auditorium but it's just a small stream of people left coming out so it's no big deal to me. Doing the usual "Night guys, thanks for coming, exits out to the left, bathrooms to your right" when GW appears.

GW obviously thinks that we are now friends, because not only did I serve her a gin earlier, like my job entails of me, I also shouted a generic goodnight at a crowd she happened to be a part of. GW makes a beeline for me. Due to the cold I mentioned earlier, my reflexes have been a bit shit lately and I didn't realise what was happening until it was too late.

Before I could step back and stop her, GW was giving me a very tight hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek, saying "It was a great show thanks so much."

I have never been so uncomfortable in my life. I was still in customer service mode and so my brain could not react in any other way except like this

I felt my entire being stiffen up. I think my soul left my body for a while. As this endless nightmare of a hug continued my body naturally started to recoil against it, leaving me in this state. GW could sense my distress as she hugged me in a way that a man has failed to for almost a year now.

Rather than realising how inappropriate it is to be hugging a total stranger at a place they cannot leave due to the fact of their employment, GW tries to reassure me, in what I can only assume is her best use of logic since she thought to put on a coat before leaving the house.

Finally releasing the statue that was once my body, she turns to me and says "Don't worry I don't have Asian flu." before walking away, in the completely wrong direction, never to be seen again, just like a piece of my soul.




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