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Movie Theater Hell: Moviegoers Are Masochists

 

2 movie theater hellFrom Throwaway-05-2017, TalesFromTheTheatre

I’ve lost all sympathy for customers.

Here’s your typical problematic theatregoer:

They arrive. Box office line is ridiculously long. After waiting for what feels like an eternity, the movie they wanna watch is either sold out or the remaining seats are terrible. If it’s the latter, they choose the horrible seat because watching the latest Hollywood blockbuster is preferable to not watching it at all. Then they go inside and the line at concession is even longer than the one at box office because, unlike box office, you can’t make purchases online. After wasting a lifetime at concession, they finally make their way to their movie. But wait! Where’s their auditorium? Reading comprehension is not an ability possessed by this species. So after roaming aimlessly for an embarrassingly long time, and spilling half their food on the floor, they track down a staff member who will direct them in the right direction.

Now they’ve arrived at their destination but a new set of problems arise: reserved seating. Instinct dictates that they sit wherever they want, but when you’re attending a sold out screening of a Hollywood blockbuster and your seats are awful, people in good seats are gonna take reserved seating VERY seriously. So there’s no choice but to get up, spill the remaining amount of food on the floor and watch the movie from the lousy seats.

Two or three hours later, it’s time to go home but first let’s make a pit stop at the restroom. There’s a line there TOO?! When it’s all over they march to guest service and shout a long list of complaints to an employee who doesn’t care and can’t do anything about it. And with all that negative energy they leave the building.

My question is: people have heard of Netflix, right?

I’ve worked at the #1 theatre chain for 3 years. This is nothing new. People have to know that unless you buy tickets online and then go directly to your movie, the theatre experience is an ordeal. I refuse to believe that people are this dumb or their memories are this short. Star Wars: The Last Jedi was only two months ago. They have to know that going to the theatre on a Saturday is not gonna be a smooth process unless they buy tickets online and just go watch the movie. Even then, you still gotta deal with bad parking, long lines at the restroom and the likelihood that someone is sitting in your seat.

Just stay home.

Cancel your MoviePass subscription.

Let theatres die.

Netflix. Amazon Prime. Hulu. HBO Go. Etc. That’s the future. Embrace it.

--Throwaway-05-2017

 

Comments

McHell Manager

This is why I typically don't go to opening weekend movies.

Also, my local Drive In is completely and 100% amazing. They have 5 screens, and when prices are $9/person for two, sometimes 3 movies, you cannot beat that!

Jofur

I've never set foot in a movie theater since owning my first VHS player and beyond, and never will.

B

I largely gave up on movie theaters 20+ years ago when I went to a movie and couldn't get in because of on-line ticket purchasers. (When I checked the movie times there was NO mention of on-line ticket sales.) Wasted a 20-min round trip and never got to see the movie. I have lots of VHS and DVD's now.

TechTyger

I rarely go to theaters because people are assholes. Noisy and talking through the entire thing.

BH

I like going to the theatre. I am counting down the months before I see "IT Chapter 2" and I will get the whole scary look of Pennywise. I do understand where you all are coming from, though! Once me and my friend went to see that Sandra Bullock space movie and these boys who looked 9 or 10 years old would not shut up.

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