Girl: I got this hairbrush on a buy one get one free deal, but I don't actually need it. Can I return it?
Me: I could do an even exchange for another hair product?
Girl: can I get store credit? I wanted to buy makeup.
Me: I can't really return something you didn't pay for...
Girl: I have my receipt right here!
Me: Right. But you paid Zero Dollars for it.
Girl: Well can I return it without a receipt
Me: [seething internally] I guess. But I don't know how much you'll get back?
[return comes to 2.67]
Girl: That's it? But this was a seven dollar hairbrush?!
Me: That you paid Zero. Dollars. For.
Girl: Ugh. I guess I'll just keep it!
And then fire rained from the sky, and there were no survivors.