General Store Signage From Maine
Retail Robin: It Really Is A Losing Battle

Dumbass Customers: Teenager drops into repair shop because laptop won't start



From u/micksack Tales From Retail:

A quick story that just happened.

Me is me. DT is dopey teenager.

Me. Hi welcome to my shop.

Dt hi can I ask you a question

Me. Yes

Dt. I have a laptop and was using it last night and now it won't turn on.

Me. Ok can I see the laptop.

Dt. No I didn't bring it with It's under warranty and was wondering if you can tell me a few things it could be.

Me. I cant help you with out the laptop. And if it's under warranty you should bring it back to where it was bought.

Dt. Ok but what could be stopping it from turning on.

Me. I'd have to see it to figure that out.

Dt. The lights on it were working last night now when I put the charger in there's no lights why's that's.

Me. Again I'd have to see the laptop. It could be the charger it could be the port, if you had brought it in I could check those for you now for no charge and it won't void your warranty.

Dt. Ahh ok and walks off.

This is very common with my customers. Want to know the cost of the repair but don't have the item or the make or model and possibly don't even know what's wrong. My favourite description is, you know the thing, the thing you press that's not pressing anymore.








"Blue and blue on de ting." I hate those... "It's broken." "What's broken?" "The computer." "How is it broken?" "It doesn't work." "What isn't working?" "The computer." "How is it not working?" "It's broken." I've seen newbs eat their own headset trying to get out of that roundabout. I've developed the habit of asking 'What exactly are you trying to do? What exactly is on the screen?'


I was at home and our internet wasn't working. I heard my husband call a help desk. "My internet doesn't work." ... Pause while tech says something..."It just won't work"... I can hear the tech asking what happens ... "I try to use the internet and it doesn't work!". This was driving me crazy so I walked over and grabbed the phone from him and said "when entering any address on the web browser, the lights on the modem suddenly turn and we get an error message that says that also says to contact this help desk.". I could swear that tech would have asked me to marry him if I'd been available, he was so happy to talk to me. LOL


All of my brackets in the above story were cleared out so it makes no sense.
* "the lights on the modem suddenly turn [color]
* get an error message that says [blah blah plus an error code]


Using brokets, typepad thinks they're HTML, but HTML works? doesn't actually work, so the data vampires eat it.

Look up the video Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie, "Internet Helpdesk". It's a little dated now, but still very, very accurate.


(stupid fast fingers) "Is there a small child in the house? Could I speak to her? Hi, honey, daddy's stuffed up his Outlook profile, could you fix that? Thanks. And flush his DNS cache and renew his IP address. Great. Now, next time Daddy has a problem with the computer , tell him to give it to you to play with a buy an iMac. It's a computer for idio-- Mommies and daddies."

(BTW, the "works?" in the above message was in HTML brokets indicating bold. It did not work.)

Kai Lowell

Funny, I knew you were going to reference "blue and blue on de ting" the instant I read this, TT... :D


(sticks his tongue out at Kai)

Kai Lowell

Are you planning on using that? If not, put it back.


Oh god that was the funniest thing I've ever come across! The engineer notes: Problem almost recreated. Thing red.


Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie, "Internet Helpdesk"
I listened to them all the time for a few years. Now they have a video for it.


There've been a couple of videos for a while. One was the one guy in a chair by himself on a stage live, the other is a POV where 'you' are the noob he's talking to. We made it a ritual at my first computer job almost 25 years ago to show new people that video. :P

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