Oh. My. God. Y'all. Cancer Lady is still up to her shenanigans.
So mini background, I usually bring a load of items to the registers, even when I'm not assigned to the registers, to price stuff and get it on the floor from a convenient spot. Usually this means that in exchange for taking up back counter space, I follow the unspoken rule of helping out by answering the phone and/or assisting additional customers.
Wellp, Cancer Lady appears while the other two register jockeys are busy. She wants to look at jewelry.
I'm showing her tray after tray of earrings while she stares at them, fiddles with them, and puts them back.
Cancer Lady, holding up a pair of earrings: "Oh yes I'll take these. They're just amazing and funky and just slutty enough for me."
Cue tire screeching sound effect. I think my brain just slammed into a wall. Ow.
Me: "Errr, okay. You said it... not me..."
Cancer Lady: "What?"
Me: "You just said they were slutty...."
Cancer Lady: "No I didn't! I said they're amazing, and funky and sleek enough for me."
Then one of the current Register Jockeys, whom I shall call Maria, gets freed up and comes over to take over.
Maria: "Want me to step in? I know you're trying to get stuff priced, and I can show her jewelry and let you get back to that."
Why yes, that would be great! I have a minor mountain that I'm trying to get on the floor to fill empty spots. I've also had enough of Cancer Lady being creepy, thanks.
I don't even get to open my mouth before...
Cancer Lady, loudly: "Oh don't make me have to put up with her! I don't like her!"
Maria: "..." *eye roll*
Me: "... Well then you're not going to like me either, sunshine."
Cancer Lady looks shocked and appalled. Shocked I say! And appalled! So appalled!
Cancer Lady: "You don't like me?!"
Me: "... Well you were just now incredibly rude to my coworker, you argue with us all the time, and you constantly try to get discounts, even though you know we don't do that."
You also spun a tale about maybe having cancer just so you could try to wrangle a discount out of us. And you called me a liar and heartless for not forking over said discount. And you and your mother are BOTH guilty of trying to switch tags to get something cheaper, though we can't PROVE it.... huh. Maybe I should compile an alphabetized list or something. I bet it would reach a spectacular length.
Cancer Lady: "Oh wow, so you all took my joking as serious."
Me, coldly: "Ma'am, we work in retail. Constantly asking for discounts when you know you can't have them, and arguing with us, is not a joke."
Maria stepped in and sent me back to my work, a tiny smile on her face.
Then another woman asks if she can look at the perfumes. I grab the key and go over.
Aaand it turns out she's Cancer Lady's sister. But I don't judge people by the people they're related to.
She checks out the bottles, smells them, tries a few, and eventually selects three.
Cancer Lady doesn't want to see any more jewelry. Instead, she is very loudly complaining to her brother-in-law, "AND SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T LIKE ME! TO MY FACE! IT'S LIKE, 'WOW FUCK YOU TOO!' YOU KNOW?!"
Brother in law is about as emotionless as he can get. He's doing that Pretending To Listen thing where he's turned out the white noise and is just nodding along. Even at the end of the counter I can actually see that that's what he's doing.
Her sister is doing that Pointedly Ignoring thing where she doesn't acknowledge that Cancer Lady even exists. I look over at Cancer Lady, cluck my tongue, look at her sister and go, "Huh. She's about as subtle as a brick to the face."
Sister: "You have NO idea..."
I feel a great swell of pity for these poor folks.
I bring the perfume over to the registers and start to ring up their purchases.
I'm literally the next register over, not even three feet away. Both I and the Sister are doing the Pointedly Ignoring thing now, and I ring up the Sister.
Cancer Lady actually walks up to her Sister and loudly repeats what an awful person I am to not like her, which the Sister largely doesn't respond to other than to shruggingly say, "I know."
The Sister is very polite and nice to me. The model customer, in the face of her sister's ranting insanity.
The sister and her hubby evacuate like greased lightning, leaving Cancer Lady behind.
Cancer lady snatches up her purchases from Patricia and leaves.
After all was said and done, Patricia and another lead hesitantly ask me if I had really said I didn't like her. I relayed what actually happened and they both just nod and sigh.
To be fair, NONE of us like Cancer Lady.
--Puppies In Prada