From u/bunnyfrog_1st Tales From Retail:

Another story from Furniture Clearance Shop. We were having a clear of old stuff, so a lot of boxed stock was on the floor, with display models on top of, or beside each pile. Most boxes were clearly labelled or unambiguously under the thing they contained.

Cue Looks With His Hands Man, who decided to open boxes as he went. All boxes. The heavy duty ones which were glued shut so your furniture didn't escape on the way home. The following exchange occurred, with substitution language for the sensitive.

Me: Sorry sir, can you not open anything that you don't intend to purchase?

LWHHM: Who do you think you are talking to, you (silly sausage)? You saying I'm a (wally)?

Me: I'm just asking you not to open boxes, other customers might want them and we have to ta...

LWHHM: Don't you tell me what to do (my good man). I came to this (tooting) shop to look at (lovely) furniture. I've got to check is the right (glorious) colour!

Me: I gathered sir, but the display models are right...

LWHHM: Are you (delicately) saying I'm (a dumb dumb) or blind? You (person who enjoys his mother's company)!

Me: The door is that way sir, please use it.

LWHHM: You (marvelous chap)! I'll have your job for this! I'm doing what I want, I'm (Bally well) looking at what I want, then I'm ( going hence) when I want!

Annoyingly, the shop was a bit busy, so did not have opportunity to get someone to help throw him out. Sad face.

--u/bunnyfrog_1st