It's been assholes to the left of me and vultures to the right this week, man. And it's not just me! My sweet-as-sugar co-worker who nobody could hate, he's that nice, has had two different customers scream at him in the last couple days!
By now everyone's heard about Hoarders melting down. My store did not close, afflicting me with a mix of relief and survivor's guilt. The vultures and discount rats began gathering days ago.
Are you closing? Is everything on clearance? Is everything free because you're closing? Why isn’t this on sale? Can I just steal shit since you’re closing anyway? No way will I buy one of those crappy Plus cards or e-readers, you won’t be around in a year.
The day before the big announcement I asked a man to take one of our free cards. FREE. And he says to me, “I dunno, let’s wait and see how your stock does. HAHAHA.”
Me: …=| “It’s free. It doesn’t matter what our stock does.”
Guy: “I…I know, I was just…”
Then later, an old man came up and slapped a book down. It’s a hardcover, 40% off for Plus members, 30% off for everyone else.
Old man: “I’ll buy this if you give me the 40% off.”
Me: “Are you a Plus member?”
Old man: “I was a member a long time ago.”
(We started up this Plus program last fall. Yeah…a long time ago. Sure.)
Me: “If you’re not a Plus member, it’s 30%.” (Still a good deal, honestly.)
Old man: *long stare*
Me: *GTFO stare*
Old man: “Fine.” *stomps off*
THIS IS NOT A FUCKING FLEA MARKET. And I'm not haggling just because you think we're desperate enough to be pushed around. At least use "please." It's not that hard!
Then today it was time for the usual dicks to gang up. First came generic asshole guy. Throws the greeting card he's buying at me along with his credit card and gives nothing but monosyllabic answers. The guy's pretty high up in police rankings, believe me, I'm sure he's capable of using a full sentence and maybe even "thank you."
Then came Bible thumper guy. After I muttered under my breath about hating the people who put the stickers on books, (because they put two different priced stickers on said book and I was like, "WTF?") the guy goes, "Hey!" He holds the Bible out at me and stares at me long and hard, pointing at it.
Guy: "It's not good to hate." *walks away*
I wanted to tell him that if everything in the Bible is true, the head dude upstairs surely has a number of more pressing issues with me than my annoyance at the sticker people.
Then not even a half hour later comes condescending change guy.
I'm not good at math. Disorder-level not good. And I'm not ashamed to pull out a calculator when someone pulls the whole, "I have change!" just as I open the till (ignoring that I always wait for them to offer change beforehand...) because I don't want to shortchange them or be shortchanged. This guy has the change once the till is open. I ask my co-worker quickly what the even-dollar value should be because she's a whiz and she gives me the answer. The guy harumphs at me and goes, "That's so simple, you need to ask her for that? And they've got you running the register? Geez."
Then I got so flustered apologizing for my bad math skills that I forgot the answer my co-worker gave me and had to ask her again, my face burning at this point, while the guy huffs and puffs and rolls his eyes.
Thanks a lot, jerkass.
Not long after that came a discount rat, asking what the sale price on everything was. Turns out she thought we were closing. After I corrected her she shut up about things that weren't on sale, but she still kept pulling that move where custies lean over the counter and ask after every item, "That was on sale, right?" ARGH.
Got a three-day weekend though. Gonna head up to the gun range this weekend and use one of those silhouette targets. "What's that bitch? Did I just hear you say 'everything should be free LOL!' because thousands of people losing their jobs is funny? And you don't want a member card? And oh, you're too busy gabbing on your phone about your hook-up last night to thank me after I fetched books for you for an hour, but you're NOT too busy to interrogate me about the price of every item? Well, meet my little friend..."
read more Bookstore Hell here
read more Crazy Customer tales here