From Bubble Girl, February 2010:
I want to tell you about the crazy-ass customers I had last night!
Since I've worked at Wal-Fart longer than most of the people on my shift (hell, I've trained most of the people on my shift) I usually get stuck doing random customer service at night. Making keys, mixing paint and (god forbid) cutting fabric for crazy old ladies.
There is one lady we call "Pain Lady" because something is always hurting on her and she SIMPLY MUST SHARE IT WITH ME. Back braces or broken hands, I don't really care. I get paid to be nice to you, don't forget that you crippled bitch.
She always wants 10 FUCKING bolts of fabric cut into retarded measurements like 10 and 3/8's of an inch or some bullshit.
She was in last night and I was basically forced into helping her.
Whats worse, is that shes a major bible-banger.
While I'm agnostic, I have nothing against religious people, but stop RUBBING JESUS in my FACE!
She described each fabrics use in regards to her church's window display while complaining about how her kneecaps were full of cancer or something (I tuned her out).
Then she asked what church I attend.
Did I lie and make one up?
No, because apparently I'm stupid.
I simply stated that I was agnostic.
OMFG SUCH A WRONG THING TO DO! *FACEPALM*
I had to finish cutting her fucking fabric while she TRIED TO SAVE MY SOUL.
Fuck my life.
I normally work electronics at my local Wal-Fart but last night I was oh-so-overjoyed to go help cashier for a few hours.
After Pain Lady left, my mortal soul well saved, I thought my night would be better.
OH HELL NO.
A genuine fucking CRACKWHORE decided to wander the front end for an hour and a half.
I try to avoid people on drugs and I was following suit well with this skanky ho, until she started molesting the M&Ms display.
MOLESTING THE M&Ms DISPLAY.
Its the red M&M guy with a hole in his belly to put packs of chocolaty goodness in.
She was HOLDING his hand at first, really innocent. But then started to STROKE the poor guy's arm. Then rub all over his CROTCH AREA.
SHE WAS TRYING TO PLEASURE A PLASTIC M&M MAN!!
Jesusfuckingchrist WHY ME!?!
So I had to ask her to stop because all my other customers are watching this with absolute horror on their faces.
She just kinda looked at me and said "Whaaaaa????"
Then left the store when I forcefully wheeled the M&M man behind the service desk.
-Never- in my life have I said anything remotely close to "Ma'am, can you please stop trying to rape the M&M?"
But I had to last night.
At least no one invaded my personal space, but still: Fuck you, retail.
--<3 Bubble Girl