From Hellraiser, March, 2012:
Hellraiser here with some thoughts from call center hell. I think I mentioned that I work in insurance, and lately I've been noticing some key phrases that trigger an almost Pavlovian response from me.
So, without further ado, I give you some phrases to avoid the next time you're calling in.
What you say: "I just have a quick question."
What I think: "This is going to take at least 20 minutes."
WYS: "I don't know if you're the person I'm supposed to talk to..."
WIT: "I know I am. In fact, I'm the only person you CAN talk to. So let's skip right to the problem."
WYS: "What plan am I on?"
WIT: "Are you kidding me? You signed up for this, you're paying for this, and you don't even know what it is or what it's called?!? Try doing that the next time you buy a car and see how well that works out for you."
WIT: "Being old is not an excuse for not reading anything we send you, listening to what we tell you, or making no effort to understand the facts before you. It's also not a cause for any of this. In my experience age has almost nothing to do with intelligence, and also being intelligent and being computer literate are not the same thing. No, my guess is you're just a little slow, and you've probably always been like that."
WYS: "I don't understand why you can't just do this now!"
WIT: "Trust me, I wish I could too. Sadly, we have certain procedures we have to follow. So just please stop complaining about it (you're not likely to get anything changed) and go through the process."'
WYS: "You've been so helpful. I know I've asked a lot of dumb questions but I really think I get it now."
WIT: "Actually, your questions weren't dumb. They were really surprisingly insightful. Usually only the smart people are self-depreciating like this."
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