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Customers on the Phone: I Shouldn't Have To Wait To Order A Cake!

 

This story was originally posted on August 19, 2010

 

Custy phone 1Hi, everyone. Captain of the Jolly K-Roger, here. Again. I'm starting to feel like a bit of a whiner with all the posts I've been submitting, but it's like, you start talking about the hell you've spent good chunks of your life dealing with and suddenly every single thing that can be complained about comes rushing to the surface.

But. I have to talk about this woman, hereby known as Mean Cake Lady (MCL).

I work the customer service desk, meaning I field all the calls that don't necessarily fit any other department. Except that usually they do.

Do we carry this certain cut of beef? Why, let me just redirect you to the meat department, also known as option 1 when you called up here. Do we sell lilies? We do, in fact, but let me transfer you to the floral department just to make sure they're in stock at the moment, or option 2 when you called. Why these people can't deduce that beef= meat dept., lilies= floral dept. is beyond me.

Lately we've gotten a sudden onslaught of people ordering cakes calling the desk. I swear, the first thing I hear out of a quarter of the people who call anymore is "Is this the bakery?" NO. NO, IT IS NOT. STOP CALLING ME. I HATE YOU.

But I digress.

Anyway, Mean Cake Lady - MCL calls the desk, and the first thing out of her mouth is "I want to order the Spider-Man cake."

Capt (me): Sure, let me just transfer you to the bakery.

MCL: Oh! This isn't the bakery?

Capt: (Well, I wouldn't transfer you to myself, now, would I?) No, ma'am. Just one second.

I put her on hold and tell the bakery via intercom that they have a call on line one.

Three minutes pass and the call bounces back to me. I re-place her on hold and call the bakery again.

About half a minute later, the phone rings, and I answer it.

Capt: Jolly K-Roger, this is the Captain, how can I help you?

Freddy frustration 2MCL: I waited forever, and no one answered.

Capt: I'm sorry about that, ma'am. I'll try them again.

I put her on hold and tell the bakery via intercom that they, once again, have a call on line one.

Not even half a minute later, MCL calls me again, and this time I recognize the number on my caller ID so I know I'm about to get an earful.

Capt: Jolly K-Roger, this is the Captain, how can I help you?

MCL: They still didn't answer!

Capt: I'm sorry, ma'am, they're probably just busy at the moment. I'll try calling them again.

MCL: UGH. If it's this hard to order a cake, I can just go somewhere else!

Capt: (BECAUSE WE ARE HERE TO SERVE YOU. ONLY YOU. NO ONE ELSE. EVERYONE IN THE BAKERY HAD THEIR THUMBS UP THEIR ASSES JUST WAITING FOR YOU TO CALL AND GIVE THOSE POOR, "BORED" SLAVES SOMETHING TO DO.) I can get you a manager, if you'd like.

MCL: No, I just don't think it should be this hard to order a cake! I can just go to a different Jolly K-Roger if it's so difficult for all of you!

Capt: (I HATE YOU; GO DIE.) You're free to do that, ma'am. I can't make them answer the phone, and like I said, they're probably just backed up. I can call a manager for you if you'd like to talk to someone about it, or I can try to get the bakery agai-

Skullies smileMCL: Well, I think that would be the best thing, don't you?

Capt: (NO, I THINK THE BEST THING WOULD BE FOR YOUR TO GTFO AND LEAVE ME ALONE.) Sure, hold on just one more time.

It didn't bounce back to me again, so she either hung up and ditched us, or the bakery finally got around to her. If she ditched, good riddance. If they got to her, well, at least I don't have to deal with her anymore.

I understand that being put on hold is a pain in the ass. I understand that, from the custy's end, it's "just a simple phone call/cake order!" and should be "easy".

Let me clear up something for you, custys. This is retail. Nothing is easy.

You could have cut out the middle man (me) by just listening to the options instead of automatically pressing zero for customer service and saved yourself some trouble. You didn't. So, I had to answer the phone, figure out what you wanted, tell you that you're in the wrong place, put you on hold, call over the intercom for someone who can help you, pray to god that they were paying attention, pray that they aren't busy and then beg for my sanity when you became too impatient to not snap at me over a stupid Spider-Man cake.

Just another day in Retail Hell, I suppose, but this lady got to me somehow. Probably the snapping and interrupting me. That shit pisses me off majorly.

Stay sane RHU,

--Captain of the Jolly K-Roger

 

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