From Just Jay, April, 2010

'sup, all!

This is the tale of me, the customer and the poppyseed friand that took place yesterday.

Custy: Does that chocolate have nuts in it? *points*

(Note: I am well prepared for this question because people are stupid and don't know how to protect themselves in order to avoid having an allergic reaction and I'll be damned if it's on my head)

Me: It does not have nut chunks as part of its flavor, but I cannot guarantee that any of our chocolates are completely free of nut traces.

Custy: *only hears the first part* That looks like a nice chocolate. Or maybe that one.

Custy's friend: It doesn't have nuts in it.

Me: Like I said, I cannot guarantee any of our chocolates don't have nut traces in them.

Custy: What about this cake? This orange and poppyseed thing? That doesn't have nuts in it right? It wouldn't.

Me: *deep breath, count to five* Ladies, I cannot guarantee that ANY of our food products do not have nuts or nut traces in them. Do you have an allergy, madam?

Custy: Yes.

Me: Then I have to tell you, it's entirely possible that everything in this shop possesses either traces of nuts or has been in contact with products or utensils that had nuts involved somehow.

Custy: Unbelievable.

Me: *blank stare*

Custy: I'll get the poppyseed thing.

Custy's friend: But it's got nuts.

Custy: It should be fine.

Custy's friend: Well, you can just try a bit and see how you go.

Me: *mentally rewinding trying to make sure I've covered everything before I give her the friend of anaphylactic doom*

Custy: Do you get that question a lot?

Me: Not as often as you'd think (It's true in the two and a half years I've worked there I've only been asked about three times.)

Custy sits down with friend and I look over a moment later to see her tucking into her 'poppy seed thing.' I turn to a co-worker who had watched the whole thing.

Me: There's a certain part of me that wants her to have a reaction.

Co-worker: *gigglesnort*

Seriously, It is not my job to police your health. It is no one's job to do that but your own, or your caretaker/guardian.

Peace Out,

--Just Jay

Read more Dumbass Customers stories here!