This story was originally posted on November 21, 2009

Dear RHU,

I work for a major office supply store. You'd think that the type of people who voluntarily shop for paper, ink, and toner are mild-mannered by association. This, however, is not the case. My first of many horrible customer experiences comes from a woman who was about 40 who wanted to return her item. I could tell by the caked on blue eyeshadow, fluffy pink sweater, perm, and mom jeans that there was going to be trouble. I was right.

At our store, if you don't have a receipt for your return, you must give a drivers license to us so we can check your ID in a database of fraud ID's. Normally, this almost never poses an issue, but there's always a first time for everything.

After some fumbling around, she managed to find her ID, flashed it at me, and then stuffed it back into her purse.

Me: Ma'am, I need to see your ID...

40 year old woman: you just did.

Me: Ma'am I need to type in your drivers license number

40 YOW: Why?! Why do you need to do that?!

Me: Because it's just a quick check to see that your ID isn't fraudulent

40 YOW: IT ISN'T FRAUDULENT!!!!! Why would you need to type in the number!?

Me: As I stated, it's just a check to see that your ID isn't fraudulent...

40 YOW: IT ISN'T!!! You! Why???? Why do you need it!?!?

Me: I can't let you return this without typing in your ID number

40 YOW: YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO STEAL MY IDENTITY!!!! IDENTITY THEFT!!!!! IDENTITY THEFT!!!!!!

Me: Let me get a manager...

::Manager comes over::

40 YOW: SHE!!! She says you need to type in my drivers license number for a return!!!

Manager: ...yes?

40 YOW: Why do you need it!!?!

Manager: it's a check in our database of fraudulent ID's. Your ID is most likely not fraudulent, however we must type in the number -

40 YOW: THAT IS AN INVASION OF PRIVACY!!!

Manager: If you want to return this item, then I have to type in your ID number. If not, then I can't do the return

40 YOW: Why?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Manager: Because we need an ID to do the return

40 YOW: BUT MY ID ISN'T FRAUDULENT!! I AM AN AMERICAN CITIZEN!!

Manager: I know. It probably isn't, but we still need the ID for the return

40 YOW: THIS IS IDENTITY THEFT!!!

This exchange goes on for another 15 minutes before she finally agrees to give the manager her ID and type in the number and finish the return. I half expected there to be some sort problem, with the way she was over-reacting. But there wasn't. She was just a dumb fucking bitch.

Manager: Thank you, is there anything else I can help you with today?

40 YOW: I don't know WHY you needed my ID!

More stories to come!

Love,

--Office Supply Whore

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