Retail Balls Awards: The Tale of McBitch



Feburary, 2010:

I'm a cop and have been a cop for far too long, ever since I was 18. However, before 18 I worked in retail hell, however this isn't a story about that.

I was recently at a local McDicks behind a woman and he child. The child had a face full of snot so you can imagine how well this encounter was going to be.

After McBitch asked McSnot what he wanted she placed her order. The young slave behind the register was being the normal happy-go-lucky servant you'd expect. After placing the order McBitch goes to pay. But wait, McSnot has changed his mind.

My mom would have told me to shut up and it was too late. McBitch however has the slave change the order....4 different times.

After the money was paid McSnot ran off to play in the playground, surely sharing his snot with the other kids while mom waits on the food. She gets it then that's when shit hits the fan.

Apparently between the 5 different orders McBitch really don't remember what she ordered...only that what she got was wrong.

McBitch begins cussing out this poor slave. I can tell that this is a relatively new slave as she doesn't know how to respond to this verbal assault. Now, I was here with my girlfriend (hey not all the times do you have to take them to fancy restaurants) so I was not in the mood to step in. As sexy as I think I am in uniform I do like to stay off when I'm off.

All this of course until McBitch grabs a tray and throws it across the lobby. At this point I still really don't know what the fuck she is so pissed off about as McDicks manager is trying to fix her problem. However McBitch's vocabulary seemed to be limited to "dumb whore" and "stupid slut".

Well I've had enough. I started feeling bad for the slave and even the manager who was cowarding away. I step in between McBitch and the counter. 6661

Now per our policy I must carry my badge and gun everywhere I go even when off duty. She hasn't seen this yet.

Me: You need to stop.

McBitch: You need to fucking move out of my way before I bust you in the fucking face.

(Seriously...still haven't figured out why she's so mad)

Me: I got a better idea. How about you get your crusty ass out of this store before I put your ass out myself.

(At this point I roll my shirt over my belt so she could see the badge and gun)

McBitch: This dumb bitch can't get an order right and won't give me what I want but you're throwing me out?

Me: Yep (could have probably had a better come back but hey it worked)

She attempted to grab the bag of food sitting on the counter. I snatch it away from her.

Me: Nope you're going to leave that here since apparently it wasn't right.

McBitch: I already paid for that!

Me: No, you apparently paid for something else that they couldn't get right. Now consider that a donation to McDonalds Fund for the trouble you've caused here.

McBitch: Aw hell nah I'm not leaving here without my money or my food!

McManager: Ma'am here's your money.

I block her from getting it.

Me: Listen here, either you go get your kid from that playground and get your smelly ass out of this restaurant or I promise you the fines I will have you paying will make it to where you can't afford the dollar menu here. On top of that this poor girl you've been yelling at won't have to worry about cleaning the floor for awhile because I'm about ready to put your ass on the ground.

I was close enough to her face now that I realized that when I called her smelly it apparently wasn't just an insult.

McBitch gathers McSnot and they drive away in their McBettle.

The manager thanks me and the poor slave, who's visibly shaking at this point, gives me my meal for free.

Guess I do have to thank McBitch for my free meal :/

---McCop, Badge #666


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Retail Balls Awards: Instead of Returning Shopping Cart to Storefront, walmart Customer Throws it In a Ditch and Gets Confronted By Another Customer




From December, 2010

This Newbie Slave and their mother get a Retail Ball Award for their amazing Random Act of Retail Kindness when they did something about a misbehaving parking lot crusty:

Haven't worked in retail for a VERY long time, but I'm a big fan of the site, so my sympathies stay fresh.

I live in Northern Canada, and right now, it's freezing outside. I feel sorry for a lot of people in this weather, but the poor minimum-wagers who have to run around collecting shopping carts from Walmart and the grocery stores... well, they're at the top of my list. People seem to get really entitled and jerky around the Christmas season, and yes, we're all stressed out, but those people behind the counters and cash registers are people too!

Last night, I was waiting for my father in the parking lot of Walmart, and this man and his girlfriend push their cart full of bags to their truck and load it up. Then, in front of my very eyes - I couldn't believe it - he THROWS THE CART INTO THE SNOW-FILLED DITCH NEXT TO THE PARKING LOT.

Yes. He actually threw it. Picked it up, turned it upside down and threw it into the ditch. The ditch that is 2-feet deep of snow, and it's -30 outside. To make matters worse, there was an employee walking around the parking lot collecting carts at that exact moment. I don't know if the employee saw it, but he sure couldn't have ignored it - he (or someone) would have had to wade into that snow in their cheap uniform and dig it out.

So, having nothing to do at the moment, and my mother with me, as pissed and indignant as myself, and egging me on, I decided that if that guy was going to be an asshole, I would make him (and his girlfriend) feel like crap about it.

So I walked over to the truck, where they were now comfortably sitting, and waved at them.  When they looked, I gave him the finger, and walked into the ditch and wrestled the cart out of the snow.

I called "What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you know that there are actual PEOPLE who have to deal with this crap?" and he stopped the truck as he was pulling out of the parking spot. 

For a second, I thought he was going to get out and come help me, yell at me, or something, but then he started reversing again, and clearly meant to high tail it out of there.

JcAt this point, I'd (somehow) managed to get the cart out of the ditch (and the bottom half of my pants were soaked and freezing quickly), so I pushed it towards the main entrance of the store, cutting in front of his truck on my way and giving him the finger again.

I have never seen a girlfriend look SO ashamed to be with someone.

I swear, she sunk so low in her seat I thought she was going to end up on the floor of the truck while they were driving away. Even my mother flipped them off.

I don't really mind if people don't put their carts in the exact right place every time - I'm totally guilty of shopping-cart-abandonment. But I always make sure that it's in no one's way, not blocking anyone's driving or parking, and won't cause any employees a major hassle to get to it. I can't even IMAGINE why someone would think that it was alright to do something like that.

Retail slaves, I don't tell you this to blow my own horn (even if making that entitled prick look like an asshole in front of his girlfriend felt AWESOME).

I tell you this so you know that even in the chaos and stress of the holiday season, there are still people out there that are really, really grateful for the work that you do to help make Christmas (or your gift-giving holiday of choice) happen for us all.

Happy Holidays!

--Newbie Slave



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Heavenspawn - Warming A Retail Slave's Heart


This story was originally posted on July 10, 2011


HeavenspawnHey, it's Bats again.

I haven't sent anything since my last post since I thought it'd be nice to send in a good customer story. Today I had the kind of experience that restores my faith in humanity after working in retail.

My work was doing a food drive this weekend and this afternoon, since I was so frazzled looking by the time I took my second break, I was asked if I would like to be in charge of handing out information leaflets (which included a list of items we would accept as donations) and collect the donations in a trolley at the front of the store. I had so many customers who are normally so rude and horrible to me/other staff members who took leaflets and bought whole bags of extra food to donate.

It was nice to see that even the people who are total dickheads to retail staff are capable of doing nice things. But that (even though it did put me in a better mood) is not why I am writing today.

I am writing because of one kid. He looked to be about 10 or 11. Our conversation went as follows:

Kid: Why is there a trolley with food in it here?

Me: It's food that's being donated to the hungry in the local area.

Carolanne diveKid: So it's all being given away?

Me: Yes. People buy food and put it in this trolley and we give it to people who can't afford to buy food so they don't go hungry.

At that the kid's dad caught up with him and they walked out of the store. The kid had a very serious look on his face.

Not two minutes later he runs up to my trolley with a packet of instant noodles and says "I made Dad buy these for me but I think my noodles are better in here" and put his noodles in the trolley.

He didn't leave until I promised him that I would tell whoever came to pick up the food how to cook the noodles right.

The fact that one child was more generous than most of the adults that walked by was enough to keep me smiling even when I went back onto a checkout (at least until they were late letting me off at the end of my shift, but c'est la vie).



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Awesome Customers: Ritch Bitch vs Retail Hulk




From DFowler , February, 2010:

I haven't worked retail in a long time, but the nightmares of those years help me appreciate those who do work the front lines, especially during Christmas. 

After watching "The Wizard of Oz" a few nights ago, my wife decided we needed to go to the mall for a little late night Christmas shopping.  So, in no time I find myself a long line to pay for some stuff at a mall specialty store and I am enjoying watching the Christmas crowds and shoppers. 

In front of me is some woman loaded up with gifts and she's berating the girl behind the counter to be careful with every item as they are rung up. I swear if she said "Be careful with thaaaat!" one more time I was going to kick her in the ass so hard she'd taste my shoe! This fat bitch is wearing more jewels than Elton John in Concert and a full length fur coat (to go shopping in the mall!?) She's carrying one of those purses with the logo patterned all over it.  She's a walking billboard for "I got money and you don't!"

It came time to pay and she pulls out a credit card. No problem but the card is declined. She insists that the girl somehow did it wrong and tells her (doesn't ASK her, she TELLS her) "Do it again, only this time try a bit harder." 

The girl dutifully does it again and it is declined again.Freddy2 112a  

The woman reaches into her wallet and produces another card. Guess what? Declined! AND again, she tells the girl to run it again explaining (like to a 4 yr old) how to hold the card so that the magnetic stripe is facing right. (I have to give it to the girl behind the counter, she kept her cool and followed the bitch's stupid instructions if for no other reason than to prove to the Rich Bitch that the card wasn't working)  Each time the retail girl works the machine, the Rich Bitch turns to those of us waiting and gives us the 'eye roll' like we all know the girl is doing it wrong and aren't retail slaves just the worst, blah blah blah.

3 cards and 6 charge attempts later, she pulls out the 4th card and says to the girl behind the counter "And get it right this time, Missy, these people are getting tired of your fucking mistakes."

The venom with which she says this causes a woman behind me in the line to actually gasp and my blood begins to boil. Actually it had started boiling some time before, only just then it boiled over.   

I snapped.  I stepped forward and my wife grabbed my arm as if to say oh noooo please nooooo but it was too late.  (I've done this before, and my wife refers to it as becoming the Retail Hulk! (..."don't make me wouldn't like me when I'm angry...")

"No," I start, "what we're really tired of is people like you who can't seem to get their credit in line and take it out on other innocent people."  My wife has stepped back to give me room.

The Rich Bitch swiveled her piggy eyes toward me and looked like she was about to give me a clever wise-assed come back, so I took a deep breath and let her have it between the eyes. 

Retail Hulk had arrived...  "And another thing, these people aren't slaves and even though they may be paid what we laughingly call 'slave wages, they don't deserve to be treated that way - by your or anyone else! They work in one of the most thankless jobs there is: retail.  In no other employ will you have to be doing one job in the morning, and another job before lunch and yet a third job later in the day!" (I have a much unused degree in voice and I'm giving this speech in loud tones for no other reason than to get people to stop and listen.  Even the people in the mall are stopping and staring.)

Jason 020zz  

"They unload the trucks, unpack it, price it, haul it out to the sales floor and arrange it neatly it on the shelves, where, 20 minutes later they have to rearrange it after some high and mighty yet totally messy shopper like you has destroyed their careful work. But then they also have to sweep the floors, clean the glass windows and even unplug the fucking toilets because basically working retail really is one step above being a slave!" 

I was on a roll, and even the manager had come over to see what was going on.

"Then they have to work the cash registers where they have to deal with entitled rich bitches like you who treat them like shit and can't seem to find one fucking credit card that will work and YOU end up hold up a long line of other customers, all the while  insisting that it's HER fault (pointing to retail slave with eyes as big as saucers) that YOUR overcharged cards won't allow you to charge more on them!  And when you can't get them to work, your blame HER! Then when you have to leave without paying,  who's job will it be to return those items all to their proper place again? Any idea? I'll tell you: HER, but only after she takes care of all these other patient people and locks the doors at night. Then once the items are back where they belong,  she will again vacuum and sweep the floor, clean the counters, re-arrange the shelves and count out their drawer for the night all while you are cozy at home bitching about how she didn't do HER JOB right? (Sarcasm drips from the end of that statement.)  So, if I were you, I'd get down off my high fucking horse and apologize to the entire line for delaying our shopping, apologize to this young lady for basically being such a raging ASSHOLE WITCH and insulting her and then get the fuck out before someone drops a house on you!"  (Wizard of Oz 'witch' reference does not go unnoticed by someone in line, who snickers accordingly ...probably my wife.)

Rich Bitch's eyes are wide open and unblinking. 

I think maybe she has died standing up. The only noise is the faint hiss of the mall fountain and that blasted Christmas music. 

Everyone seems to be holding their collective breath.

There is a pause of about 3 seconds before she utters a nearly inaudible 'sorry' and then turns to the girl behind the counter. "sorry..."  she says again. 

She pops open her wallet, fumbles around and produces two hundred-dollar bills (I wanna scream WHAT THE FUCK!?) and the girl quickly finishes the sale and bags her items. 

The woman takes her bags, one in each shaking hand, and again turns to the girl behind the counter.  "Sorry" she says. 

She stops when she sees the manager and even says "sorry" to her too.  I'm pretty sure she muttered a "sorry" to the people who parted ways in the mall for her to leave, too. 

When she's out the door, there is light applause, I make my  purchase with the greatest of customer service (even the manager helps) and they send me on my way with a cheery "Come see us again soon!" 

As we cross the mall, my wife says "You should really write that up for Retail Hell." 

So, here it is. 


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Retail Hell Memories: Thanksgiving Kindness


Carolanne 019

From u/Poonjaber, Tales From Retail: 

At the time I was young and had just moved into my first apartment. I was working as a lead at a local corner store, and volunteered to work all of Thanksgiving. Everyone else rotated in small shifts to help me out during the day. Really it was more so I had company.

At the start of the day right after we had opened an older lady came in and asked if we had a few various items, I helped her find everything and she gave the usual "I'm so glad you're open, but really sorry you have to work today." In the up until about 3 we were fairly busy then everyone started settling down with their families and it was just myself and a cashier. Who left around 5 so she could go home and eat dinner. About 6 the same little old lady came back to grab some candy and was shocked to see me still working there. I explained that I had volunteered to do so, for two reasons, it allowed myself to save up a little more money, and gave all of my peers a short shift so they could spend time with their families. To my shock about 15 minutes later two men arrive, and explain that their mother asked them to load up a plate of thanksgiving dinner and bring it over. After working in retail I've seen some terrible people but to this day this warms my heart.

TLDR; nice older lady came in twice while working a double on Thanksgiving at a corner store, had her son's bring me Thanksgiving dinner.






Awesome Customers: Solid Gold Human Being



From u/Berylldama Tales From Retail:

I work at an antique mall and as such, the POS system is also an antique. We had a gentleman come in and purchase a few vintage Avon bottles and while I wrapped them we chatted. He was lonely and wanted to talk about the bottles reminding him of his childhood and stuff like that. Totally normal interaction, to be honest.

He leaves then comes back a few minutes later having decided to purchase another bottle and a few more items he'd been thinking about. We talked again and he got to the part about his wife having passed away a year ago. He's headed out of the store again and pauses to peruse the few shelves of fine jewelry. Meanwhile, the traffic has picked up and I get busy opening cases and pulling merchandise for other customers so I'm a little flustered. He beckons me over to show him a gold and chocolate diamond men's ring. I open the showcase and he says his wife was into diamonds and fine jewelry and always wanted him to have a nice ring but he'd never found one he really liked until today. He slips it on and it fits like it was made for him. He says he'll take it. I grab the price tag which is a little placard with all the ring's information next to the ring. This baby is like $800. I'm not used to customers making such big impulse sales so I get excited. (No, I don't work on commission, so I had no reason to get excited but I do love selling things. lol)

I ring him up, having to input all the information myself because, again, this is an old POS that relies entirely on the sales associate. He thanks me again and wanders out.

Half an hour later he comes back, saying he'd gotten home and realized he didn't have a copy of the ring's details that were included on the placard. I grab his invoice and make a copy. He goes back to the showcase, looks at it, then calls me over. He says he thinks I gave him the wrong info. I look closer and realize I HAD PULLED THE WRONG PLACARD! Not only that, but I'd undercharged him. By like a lot. His $800 ring was actually a $1700 ring!

Guys. I almost died. I apologized profusely. He just smiled and said not to worry about it. He'd pay the difference. My manager came and helped me get his transaction situated since it involved a void. The gentleman was the picture of grace. He paid the extra $900 without batting an eye and this time we made damn sure he got the right information for his records.

After he'd left my manager, who is one of the rare good ones, turns to me and says very cooly, "Bet you won't make that mistake again, huh?"

TL;DR Solid gold human being buys a gold and diamond ring, is accidentally undercharged by $900, gets all the way home, realizes something wasn't right, drives back to the antique mall and pays the extra $900 for a ring he'd already gotten out the door with. Probably saved my job.