Monstrous Customers: Bakery Blooksucker



 From Cake Bitch, January 2010:

Let me set the scene a bit first... I work in a bakery that is inside of a grocery store. There are two of us cake decorators, but I usually work the bulk of the hours. We take pride in making our cakes as nice as we can, and not just some shitty decorations slapped on a frozen-ass-pre-baked-pre-iced cake... so anyways....

This guy comes in and walks up to the counter, he wants to order a cake. Great. Fantastic. Sure I'd love to help you with that!! /huge grin...

This guy was probably from some country over in the middle east, because his poor excuse for English was more or less going straight over my head leaving me tilting my head to the side like a confused puppy... think Apu from Simpsons... only thicker accent.

Ok so he begins to attempt to order this cake...

Quarter sheet? (8" x 12") fine. It's after this we start running into problems... 

He proceeds to whip out a picture of some double layer 14" round cake w/ cream cheese icing, metallic purple grapes and a wine glass and bottle, and blah blah blah whatever.

For one, the ONLY double layer cakes we make are 8" double layer rounds... that's it.

We don't even do wedding cakes at my store for lack of a delivery van... sorry guy, you're out of luck there. Still want the quarter sheet then? Ok good.

So I originally thought he wanted a photocake, you know one of those cakes you get with a picture on it... since he brought in the picture and all.

Turns out he wanted the cake to look EXACTLY like the one in the picture... um... right well, a quarter sheet is a rectangle and that's a round so... it won't really look like that. What? You want buttercream icing? Oh well, that's fine but that's cream cheese icing in the picture so... it's going to be white and not off-white yellowish... (so far you can probably guess where this is going to go...)

He then proceeds to tell me that he wants the wine glass and the bottle on there too, Ummmmm ooookay well, this is only a quarter sheet, there's not really a ton of space to put that kind of thing on there.

Not ONLY that but this fucker wants the glass AND the bottle out of CAKE... on TOP of the other cake...

Carolanne 024zI don't fucking think so. We don't do sculpture cakes at my store, we may take pride in our cakes but we have a limit.

He started to get pissy w/ me after this... because I was having a hard time understanding what it was he wanted.. ENGLISH MOTHER FUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT!?

So after I had the order form filled out to the BEST of my abilities... I repeat it back to him to make sure it's right.

Me: Okay so we have a quarter sheet marble cake, with buttercream icing, you want a wine glass and a bottle out of purple icing (omg gross... nasty ass shit.... purple icing takes like what i would guess battery acid would taste like b/c of all the food coloring... and he's going to have HUGE mounds of it on his cake... oh well not my problem...) airbrushed lightly with silver... some grapes and vines also airbrushed lightly with silver, and Writing Happy Birthday on the cake in script in purple, and your <impossible to pronounce Indian name here> on the bottle and the year you were born .... your total will be <Price>. Is that correct? (this asshole better be glad I'm not charging him extra for the time it's going to take me to make this thing...)

Him: Wait... no double?

Me: Excuse me?

Him: I want double...

Me: I'm sorry but we don't make double layer quarter sheets, only 8" rounds. You said you wanted a quarter sheet , if you would like to change it that's fine but I can't fit all those decorations on a tiny 8" round.

Him: Oh... well... ok then.

Thank fucking god.

Okay so, I start working on this guy's cake... not EVEN 5 minutes later I get a phone call.. I immediately recognize the voice on the other end... FUCK. now what?!?!? ///Sigh.. he wanted to make sure I had the order correct... whatever dude, let me do my damn job kthx.

Carolanne 010aaI spent an HOUR and a FUCKING HALF doing this asshole's cake... that's like 5-6 times longer than it usually takes me for an intricate order... I made SURE it was as perfect as I could POSSIBLY get it. So that asshole wouldn't complain.

A few hours later.. he comes into the store again.

Me: Oh did you want to pick up your cake early? (it was for tomorrow pick up...)

Him: No, I want to see it to see how it's coming...

Me: Oh, okay well, (resisting huge urge to just stab this guy in the face w/ my huge ass cake knife...)

This is where I learned from my co-worker that he's been a problem before and has been known to come in and "look at his cake" and then leave it if he doesn't like what he sees.

Me: Are you going to -take- your cake?

Him: Well... I wasn't going to right now but....

Me: Well... SIR... if you want to see your cake you need to take it. This is not food network. I am not Duffy. This is not a "specialty" cake shop. If you would like your cake now that's perfectly fine, however, I don't have time to be running back and forth to get your approval.

Him: Ok.... well, I take now.

I run to the cooler and grab his cake. I show it to him and he has the FUCKING nerve to complain about it right off the bat.... the urge to stab is getting higher...

Him: The side, it is too white. Can you put more silver on?

Me: Sure.... /Grit my teeth while I get airbrush and put a light coating of silver on the side.... how's that?

Him: Still too white a bit more...

//applies a bit more... eyes going red....

Carolanne 008Him: //scrutinizing look... but now... now it's too dirty looking. Can you take some off?

This is where I just blew my top.. I was so pissed, but while STILL being somewhat polite as I POSSIBLY could manage and not look like a COMPLETE bitch... as I would get written up...

Me: Look. you TOLD me to put more silver on there because YOU thought it was too white. I can't just "take it off" it's airbrush!! That would require stripping the ENTIRE cake and starting all over. If you don't want your cake, pick something out of the case and I'll write on it for you, but I am not adding anything to it, and I am NOT remaking your cake simply because I did exactly what YOU told me to do.

Needless to say he took the cake and paid full price. I haven't seen him back since. A

nd I hope, for his own safety, that he doesn't show his face again or I will downright refuse to make another cake for that picky-ass douchebag...¬.¬

Not to mention that knife I spoke about earlier....

--Cake Bitch




Bakery Hell: Why can’t I take just one out of the bag?



From u/Constant_Rookie Tales From Retail:

I work in a grocery store bakery part time. Because I have the closing shift, most of my job is packaging up buns and unsliced bread, then labeling them and putting them out on the shelf to sell them the next day. I was in the back slicing some bread when I hear a lady call for me. “Hello, is anyone there?”

“Hi ma’am, how can I help you today?”

“Can I just get one hamburger bun?”

Now I was a bit confused at first because we had packages of hamburger buns (of 6 and 12) out on the rack. Who buys just one hamburger bun? Did she want 2 for just one burger or actually just one bun? I had already emptied and packaged the ones left in the bulk case.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but the bulk case is empty. We have packages of buns right here though!”

“Yes. I can see that. But I want just one. You don’t have any in the back?”

So I explain to her that we don’t keep any in the back and if they aren’t in the bulk case than there’s no more singular buns available until tomorrow. She’s asks a question about why the bulk case is empty, so I turn my head to look at it while I answer her question. And she has the auDACITY TO SAY

“When you are talking, you LOOK at me.”

So at this point I don’t feel like helping her at all anymore. I just tell her once again that because the case is empty she has to buy the bags. She just rudely huffs and walks away from me, and I stand there for a few seconds kind of shocked.

I later found out from a coworker that she wanted to take one bun from a already PACKAGED AND LABELED BAG and was very pissed off that she could not. Why are people like this?






Bakery Hell: Why do people think we can just give out stuff for free?



From  u/That_1bitch Tales From Retail:

I work at a bakery and most of our regulars are really nice, and i enjoy talking with them, but theres one guy whos rude and pissy every time he comes in.

A little context: we have a sale on our donuts and muffins at the end of the night because we throw them out after we close. (sale starts at ten, we close at 11). You can get 6 donuts, or 4 muffins for like $3.50. This is a steal because otherwise it would be like $8 and change.

I have a few regulars come in for this sale pretty frequently, one of which is this old man. Ill call him OL. Im already on his bad side because ive refused to give him the sale early before. He comes in often, he knows it starts at 10. I have no idea why hed come in a half hour early for it. The most i do for people is give the discount ten minutes early but not any more than that.

Anyway, OL comes in, takes forever to look at the muffins we have. Picks out four and then an extra one, so he has five in total, also grabs a bottle of milk. I ring him up and it comes to $7 and change, i tell him his total.

OL: $7?? what the hell? Come on now! Why is the total so high?

I print the reciept and check it, the total sounded about right to me but it is possible i made a mistake. Nope. Theres the 4 muffin sale, one extra muffin, and a bottle of milk. I hand him the reciept to show him.

OL: why are you charging me extra?? This is so expensive!

At this point I'm confused, I know he knows the muffin sale is four of them, not five. He comes in often and when he ordered he said he wanted the fifth one as an "extra" one. So I reference the receipt again and tell him the total is correct.

OL: people here usually give me the extra one for free! You cant just give it to me!?

I wanna make it clear, theres only one person who gives it to him for free, and that guy only works out front a couple times a week. No one else does this. Hes extremely rude and sarcastic every time he comes in, and honestly if he was nicer i probably would have thrown it in for him, but fuck that guy.

So I tell him I can't do that, its against the policy, etc etc. He gets pissy, tells me to put it back, goes on this rant about how we're forcing him to go someplace else (good luck finding somewhere thats gonna give you free food buddy) starts slamming his money on the counter and storms out.

I am just baffled that the most rude and sarcastic customer I have would expect me to give him stuff for free. If you want something from somewhere you have to buy it, it's that simple.






Retail Hell Memories: My favorite customer ever


Carolanne 006

From u/Adhara27 Tales From Retail

This story happened back in '14. I was the bakery clerk at a chain grocery store. This store, in particular, was located near an extremely affluent (i'm talking multi-millionaires, celebrities) part of town. In fact, we were on the only road that led to a gated community just two miles away. Therefore, the vast majority of our clientele were either butlers or elderly retirees.

One known customer was known to the staff as Ms.Lemonface. She was a rude, bitter, demanding older woman that no one liked dealing with.

I, however, though I could break through her shell. Once a week, Ms.Lemonface would come into the store, demand I bake her a fresh loaf of a bread, and expect it to be waiting when she got done making her rounds of the store.

When I learned to predict she'd be there, I would bake the bread in advance and give it to her. This didn't make her happy. She said the bread would be cold by the time she got home. So I baked it normally and took it to her wherever she was in the store.

Then, I tried to enact conversations. At first, she dismissed me. Then, she responded with brief answers. Eventually, we got to a point where we would actually chat. It was light conversation, but it was better than stink-eyes.

After five months or so, we're on great terms. And then, one day, she begins crying. She spoke of how her husband had died some years ago, her kids were off spending their money in foreign countries, and she was all alone. She thanked me for my time and conversations, which had become the highlight of her weekly visits.

At this point I confessed to her that I would soon be moving. She promptly asked when. Not just the day. The time I would be clocking out for the last time. I let her know, and on my last day, as I went to the timeclock, there she was. She was waiting with a cake and an envelope.

She thanked me again for my conversation, hugged me, and told me goodbye for the last time.

When I got home, I cut myself a slice of cake and sat down to read the letter. In the envelope was a beautiful, heartfelt letter, (I admit that I cried about ten times reading it), and $5000 in cash. I was shocked. I know for her it may not have been much, but to a struggling student like me, it was a ton. It pretty much paid for rent and food for almost a year.

In retrospect, the fondest memory is still our last goodbye. Retail is rough more often than not. And sometimes, I want to tear my hear out. But some people make it all worthwhile.