From April, 2012
Hey RHU-ers! I’ve got a good one for you.
So, I manage a pretty quiet, laid back, local bookstore in a pretty small town. The owner also happens to own a bar down the street, and we frequently have various people coming to talk to him about bar business. Therefore, last Friday towards closing time I didn’t think it was odd that a man came in asking to speak with the owner.
I politely informed him that he was probably not coming back since it was so close to closing time, and that he should be back in on Monday morning if he would like to come back then.
The man then starts telling me a story regarding the bar that he wanted to speak to the owner. Apparently, there was a special on the board for $2 beers, but there was also a “deal wheel” that had been spun and landed on 2-4-1 beers. This wheel special negated the special on the board, since you end up getting two beers for $3.25, which is cheaper. He was therefore charged $3.25 for two beers instead of $2.00 for one, and they would not give him a refund… blah blah blah.
Here’s a short version of the ensuing “conversation:”
Seeming not too crazy at the time, he asks if there is another owner of the bar. I tell him there is, his name is so-and-so. Man asks if you spell that with an “e’ or an “a”. Meanwhile, a customer and teacher in town has come up and is patiently waiting at my register to buy a book.
I inform the man that I will ring the customer out quickly and try to find out the spelling of the co-owner’s name. (Keep in mind that I’m a pretty average sized girl in my mid twenties, and the other girl working is just 20 and smaller than me.) And now the fun begins!
Crazy Man: “WELL I’M A CUSTOMER TOO!”
Me: “Yes, sir, but this man is waiting to buy something. It will take me a few minutes to try to find the correct spelling of the name. Excuse me for a moment.” (I begin walking towards the register.)
Crazy Man: “WELL I WAS HERE FIRST! I’M A CUSTOMER TOO! WHY AREN’T YOU HELPING ME?!?!?”
Crazy Man: “YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO RUN A FUCKING BUSINESS YOU ASSHOLE! I’M A FUCKING CUSTOMER TOO! WHY AREN’T YOU HELPING ME! TAKE A FUCKING BUSINESS CLASS YOU DUMB BITCH! FUCK YOU!”
Me: “Listen, I have nothing to do with the bar! I’ve helped you all I could, I run a bookstore not the bar! What do you want from me?!”
Meanwhile, my co-worker who has been sorting books in the basement comes upstairs…
Coworker: “WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT HER?!?!”
Crazy Man: “WHY AREN’T YOU BOTH UPSTAIRS TO HELP PEOPLE?! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!”
Me: “You’d better get the fuck out RIGHT NOW!”
Crazy Man: “GO FUCK YOURSELF!”
Me: “WHY DON’T YOU SCREW OFF!” *turning to customer* “I am so sorry sir, this is crazy! I’ll get you rung out.”
Crazy Man: “I’M A CUSTOMER TOOOO!!!!!!”
Awesome Customer: “You’d better leave right now buddy. You can’t talk to these girls like this!”
Crazy Man: “FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!”
Coworker: “WHY DON’T YOU LEAVE?!”
Awesome Customer: “Listen, I’m a high school teacher. I put up with shit like this every day with my TEENAGE students. Leave.”
Crazy Man: “WELL FUUUUUUUUCK YOU!”
Me: *finishing transaction and turning to crazy man* “JESUS CHRIST! GET THE HELL OUT BEFORE WE CALL THE COPS!”
Finally, crazy man begins to leave… while screaming AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS“FUUUUUCK YOU YOU FUCKING SATAN WORSHIPPING ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
I apologize profusely to our customer and thank him for sticking up for us and waiting until the crazy guy left… but holy shit. All over a $1.25 at a different business! Thank god I work at a store where our boss encourages us to stick up for ourselves (cursing people out and all) if we need to. Needless to say, it took me and my co-worker a while to settle down.
Later, I go over to the bar to have a beer, calm down and tell my buddies who work there the whole story. It turns out he had gotten kicked out forever for grabbing a girls ass the same night of the beer special incident. And he had come in the next day, bank statements in hand, to tell everyone involved he “would have their jobs” and dispute the $1.25… turns out he never even had any money in his account to lose. He got laughed out of the bar by the bouncers, who apparently are harder to take your misplaced frustration out on than 2 girls in a book shop.
May all your customers be awesome,
--Your Local Bookwhore
read more Monstrous Customer Tales here
for more Bookstore Hell go here