Borders Books Closed 7 Years Ago: How Employees Kept Their Sense Humor with Signage

 

B2

From September, 2011:

We say goodbye to Borders today and wish all the bookselling slaves the best of luck in searches for new work. We all have our memories of Borders and the neighborhood stores and their friendly faces will be missed. Here's some funny pics of clever merchandising done by the Borders Slaves during the last days (compiled by myself and RHUer JohnnyBob):

  B6

Crosspromotehell

B5

   B10


Cloak

B1

B3

B7

B9

Cheapmanga

Amzonbathrooms2

Imaginarystories

Coffeeslinger2

 

 


Monstrous Customers: Doctor Hell

 

Monster

From Queer Geek, December, 2010:

Despite the faaaaabulous mystique that surrounds me, I am no more of fashion forward than I am a fashion victim so the geek part of me rings true.

Anyway, I have worked from the likes of the KKK-Mart eventually rising to the ranks of other big fancy stores as mentioned in Freeman Hall’s book. I am no longer one of those sale lackey’s but now a clerical worker for another major retailer but still have to handle customer complaints.

During my years being in this ludicrous service industry, I’ve had my fair share of crazy custys. There is one that I would like to point out that I remember as really taking the cake who I’d like to call Dr. Dick.

Now Dr. Dick is known around town as being a complete nutjob. He comes in different locations and proceeds to return big, expensive designer items and then asks that the store hold them for him so he can purchase them at a later date.

The reason behind this I suspect is that he is waiting until he can get the lowest discounted possible for a brand name items. Cheap bastard.

Then as the weeks have passed and no contact with Dr. Dick, he suddenly pops out of the blue wanting to purchase his discounted items. Unfortunately since so much time has passed, many the items have been removed from the company and transferred to its corresponding location which is usually the outlet stores.

At this point, Dr. Dick’s true colors show as he rants and raves of how horrible the company is and how unfairly he is being treated.

Here is one example of where he completely lost it. Same scenario but this time there was a problem with his charge card and calls me on the phone to complain about his card being declined.

Queer Geek: Hello, big fancy store.

Dr. Dick: THIS IS DR. DICK AND I AM PISSED! YOU GUYS DID NOT HOLD THE ITEMS THAT I FUCKING RETURNED AND NOW MY CARD WON’T GO THROUGH AND IT’S ALL YOUR ASSHOLES FAULT! I WANT MY MONEY! I WANT MY MONEY NOW! Jason 011

Queer Geek: Mr. Dick…

Dr. Dick: IT’S DOCTOR DICK! GET IT RIGHT ASSHOLE! I NEED MY MONEY NOW BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ANY FUCKING CASH TO TAKE MY GIRLFRIEND OUT AFTER I BAIL HER OUT OF JAIL! I ALSO NEED TO MY BUY SON A PRESENT FOR HIS BIRTHDAY! NOW I CAN’T EVEN DO THAT!

Queer Geek: Let me see what I can do Dr. Dick.

Dr. Dick: SEE THAT YOU DO ASSHOLE!

I make several calls to his credit card company and get told from them that he does not have enough funds to finalize his transaction and now they are putting a hold on the card for security reasons and he would need to get in contact with them to get this sorted out.

I tell Dr. Dick this and here’s his response:

Dr. Dick: WHAT? YOU GUYS ARE HOLDING MY FUCKING MONEY! I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY MONEY NOW! I CAN’T GET CASH TO TAKE MY GIRLFRIEND OUT AND NOW MY SON CAN’T GET A BIRTHDAY PRESENT! I SPENT MILLIONS WITH YOUR FUCKING COMPANY! I AM BIG CEO OF A COMPANY! I’VE WON AWARDS….BLAH BLAH BLAH! YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING RIPPING ME OFF! YOU ALL NEED TO GET OFF YOUR ASSES AND DO SOMETHING! YOU NEED TO BE ALL FUCKING FIRED! I’M A FUCKING DOCTOR FOR CHRISTSAKE!

Queer Geek: I’m sorry Dr. Dick but you need to talk to your credit card company about this…

*CLICK*

For the record, Dr. Dick never got his issue resolved by us but he does pop up during a full moon every once in a while and gives us another of his eloquent and educated speeches.

I never knew doctors had a vast vocabulary.

--Queer Geek

 read more Monstrous Customers stories here

 

 

 

 

 


Bookstore Hell: Crazy Pretentious Bitch Encounter

 

Freddybook From Peach, February 2010:

So I've been reading over some of the stories on here, and finally decided I needed to contribute. So here is a tragic story of the stupidity, pretentiousness, and impolite behavior we all face on daily basis, all rolled into one. 

I was having a pleasant day at the bookstore I slave away in for 20-30 hours every week. I was at the registers, doing my thing, when a woman comes up to my reg empty handed. I smiled and asked what I could do for her, and looking back, I'm wishing I had just walked away. There was no way for me to know this would be the longest transaction in the history of all transactions.

She just stood there, staring at me expectantly, so, confused, I asked her again what I could do for her. 

She says: You put a stack of books on hold for me a week ago.

I blink. Not only is it silly to expect me to remember your face from a week ago, there is another problem; we have a fairly strict policy that allows us to only hold books for twenty four hours. 

Me: I can definitely check under your name to see if they're up here, but our policy says we can only hold books for twenty four hours.

Crazy Pretentious Bitch: You told me you could hold them till I came back into town this week.

Me: That's not our policy, however I understand that there may have been a misunderstanding. I'll check.

CPB: *snort*

So I check to see if this lady's books are behind the counter even though I know they won't be. Alas, sometimes I hate when I'm right. So I oh so apologetically inform her that they are not here, but that I will gladly find someone to help her track down the books again. This is where it starts to get ridiculous. She glares at me and scoffs.

CPB: Well, what books were they?

I am speechless. I figure I must not be understanding the question. She can't possibly expect me to remember what books SHE put on hold a week ago. That can't possibly be it. I stare blankly at her for a moment while I try to grasp what other possible meanings that question could have. Jasonreadinghell

CPB: You can't expect me to remember what books I put on hold. I don't remember, that's why I put them on hold! So I could just come back and pick them up! Are you telling me you don't know what books I put on hold??
 
Me: ... ma'am, I don't keep track of the books put on hold. However, I am always sure to remind our guests that we only hold books for twenty four hours. I'm sorry that there seems to have been a misunderstanding. If you can think of any of the books you put on hold, as I said, I will gladly have someone help find them for you.
 
CPB: I just wanted to stop by quickly to pick up the books YOU told me would be held. YOU were the one that did the transaction and I watched YOU put them on hold. Don't you remember?

I lie and tell her that I do in fact remember, but that this does not change the fact that our policy is that we only hold books for twenty four hours and that I have never told any customer anything different.

At this point, she is enraged. Why she can't remember a single book from the pile she had me put on hold is beyond me. Why she expects me to remember them if she can't is another story. I've held it together fairly well and, while I've lost my sugary smile, I am still calmly and politely dealing with her douchebaggery.

She grudgingly decides she will go look for the books, and with a sigh, I am content that the ordeal is over. Oh how I was wrong.

Approximately half an hour later, she is at my register once again with a pile of books. I smile and begin her transaction, falsely assuming that there will be no more hitches, and this lady will be out of my hair in a matter of moments.
 
CPB: I also have the Corporate Card for my 20 percent discount.

Me: ok, great! Can I see your card so I can scan it please?

CBP: I don't have the card anymore, remember? Last time you had to have someone find the number for it. So just put in the number.

Me: Well, I don't have the number on me, and our other associates are rather busy. If you'd like to start the process to start a new card, we can do that for you so that your future transactions will go much more smoothly.

CPB: You just did this a week ago, just put the number in that you looked up then.

Me: *staring blankly* ...ma'am I can't remember a sixteen digit number that we looked up a week ago. 

CPB: This is getting ridiculous. After we're finished here, I'd really like to speak with a manager, this whole experience has been incredibly inconvenient. 

Me: The process for looking up card numbers is very time consuming, and technically, we're not even suppose to do it. It's against our policy. We did it for you last time because we understood that you recently lost your card, however, it's not something we can do on a regular basis, and considering I can't remember sixteen digits from a week ago, I'm afraid I can't give you the discount.

Of course she wailed about wanting to speak to a manager, and my spineless GM ended up forcing another associate to help me look up this ladies card number so that we could give her the discount. The other associate went into the back room, and spoke to me via radio to get the information we needed to find it.
 
Me: She needs to know where you work.

CPB: -blah blah clinic of blah blah city-

After spending ten minutes sifting through possible matches to this company, she reads off the name of the company on the card, and the name of the holder.

I ask the woman if this is her name, and she glowers at me impatiently.

CPB: That's not the company I have the card with, my OTHER job is the company I have the card with.Carolhell

 

It is now that I begin to lose absolutely all patience with this woman. WHY IN GOD'S NAME WOULDN'T YOU GIVE ME THE NAME OF THE COMPANY THAT CORRELATES WITH THE CARD WE ARE TRYING TO LOOK UP?? Really?? Did you think I was asking because I think we get along great?? I just wanted to have a fantastic conversation with you while you stared at me like I was some sort of incompetent insect?? Or are you really THAT stupid?

 

Of course, because I value my job (actually, all that I really value is my pay check), I said none of this, and instead asked her what company she intended to tell me. She gives me the name of the other company, and we spend another ten minutes looking that up. After finally finding it, I write down the number, type it into the computer for her god forsaken discount and hand it to her.
 
Me: You'll need to contact customer service to receive a new card, as we will not be doing this for you again. Give them this number so that they can find the account and issue a new card to your company.
 
I finish ringing up her transaction and hand her the receipt which she scours for (I'm assuming) her precious discount. 

CPB: Why didn't I get a discount on *some fucking item*?

I no longer cared. Pretending not to hear her, I walked away to hide in the sanctuary of the back room for a while. 
 
Nobody can understand the stupidity of mankind until they have worked retail.
Yours truly,
 
--Peach

 Read more Bookstore Hell stories here

 

 

 

 

 


Bookstore Hell Poem: More than Automatons (It isn’t our fault)

 

RHSEPT 367

 

 

From Megsong, February, 2010:

I had to write a poem for English class this is what came out. Hope it cheers you all up at the least.

 

More than Automatons (It isn’t our fault)

 

 

You look behind the counter and you see,

no human being, your slave-to-be.

A dignity to soil.

Prices too high, make tempers boil.

Like lava, destroying all that is near.

Scream at the cashier!

It must be all their fault,

Those who make minimum wage,

Deserving your rage.

Those endlessly working, retail slaves. 

 

You do not know us, we weary warriors. 

All you see is the world made for you.

Except in retail, this must be true.

Demanding my discount,

because you’re my ‘friend’

when all that would do,

is make my job end.

Hauling your books from the back to the shelf,

handing you things you can get for yourself. 

 

Three pallets per day, at least.

Four hundred fifty titles this week.

You think our job’s easy,

just toss out some books.

ignoring the endlessly angered looks.

 

Jasondroid Do you know who we are?

We wearied warriors,

your classmates,

your siblings,

your professor.

This one a model,

that one a writer,

Over there, the online freedom fighter. 

 

All you see is the faceless drone.

Manning the counter to serve you alone.

The line getting longer and still you cry,

“You’re against me! 

Bring your manager nigh.”

My manager who, is ringing up books by my side.

When policy is against you,

it must be our fault,

we ‘lied’ it cannot be true!

 

Any blame for books missing, 

on our shoulders fall square.

When it’s the week before finals,

YOUR BOOK WON’T BE THERE!!

Some teachers forget too,

Their orders we need.

Before we can order the title with speed.

The speed of great Hermes.

 

CarolannedroidFor hearing my rant, I now thank you,

please take a moment to meet our ‘crew’.

You’ll find we are human,

Just like you.

And struggling with classes, and text books too.

Meet our eyes.

Use our names.

Let us be human, one and the same.

Put yourself on our side of the counter.

Little time to eat, no time to play.

That is the ‘rush’ week way.

You rush in for books,

and then rush back out.

Complaining of prices,

And cashiers no doubt.

 

DroidSome figures to note, if you were curious.

To make you less furious.

The average book weighs around five pounds.

Times four hundred and fifty,

the title amount.

That’s 2250 for one of every book.

Is it any wonder how tired we look,

with twenty-five members per class.

Half a million nearly.

Divide that by ten, our employee roster.

 

 --Megsong

 

read more Bookstore Hell stories here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Bookstore Discount Rat Loses Coupon Battle

 

Discountrat1

From RHUer, January 2010:

I work at a bookstore that loves the color red and hates the color green...when it comes to paint...not cash :P

Anyways, I work in a store that is staffed pretty low because my manager tries to give us valued employees (i.e. People that have been there longer than the newbies and temps) more hours since she knows not all of us have parents that can take care of us while we are trying to further our education (we live in a college town of spoiled brats...literally..I'm not talking in generalized tones here).

Since there aren't many of us to go around we sometime are on the register for 8 hours at a time...just one of us...by ourselves.

Luckily we like everyone we work with so we joke around on our walkie-talkies and talk shit about customers so it makes it bearable.

I always seem to get the customer that wants to use more than one of the same coupon during a transaction, which we don't accept.

So one particular day I get a lovely female crusty that seems to think that she's found a loophole. I've been working here 2 years...I know all the "loopholes." This was our exchange after her laying two of those damned things down:

Me: I'm sorry ma'am. I can't use two of the same coupons during the same transaction.

Crusty: Well what if I do two transactions? It'll work then right?

Me: I'm sorry ma'am, it is stated on the coupon "One coupon per customer during valid period."

Crusty: -blank stare-

Me: So I can't use this second one ma'am. But it does come off your highest priced item.

Crusty: Well, I'm just going to come in later and use it when your gone. -satisfied smirk-

Me: -Monotone- Yes that is possible.

-Long pause-

Crusty: -Bigger grin-

Me: Buttttt.... Actually ma'am if you leave and come back...I'm going to be here. I've already taken my break...I'm here till we close and I'm the only cashier. I don't forget names or faces. *(I actually have the memory of an Alzheimer's patient most days)* I'm actually here most of my day...most days out of the week...so I doubt that will be possible.

Crusty: -smirk gone-

Me: So that will be $X.XX

Crusty: -Throws debit card down.-

Me: There you are -insert name-, have a nice day.

-Kool-Aid grin- :D *(I actually hate saying their names but I'm forced to do this shit)*

Needless to say, she didn't come back, and if she did, nine times out of ten I didn't remember her.

--RHUer

 

 

 

 


Return Hell: "You'll be hearing from my attorney"

 

Badreturners

From College Bitchstore, January 2010:

I work in a college bookstore, where normally, it's fairly quiet, with the occasional bitchy customer, but nothing too extreme. 

Usually. 

Our return policy states that you have 5 days from the start of the semester to return your books (in this case, undergraduate classes start on a Monday, so you have until Friday to return your books). It's short, and it's ridiculous, but that's how it is (unfortunately). 

Anyway, a customer came in about three days after the return period had passed. He came to my counter (since I was lucky enough to be on returns) and asked for a refund. 

I asked him if he was an undergrad, and he said yes. I told him that the return policy had passed and that he could not get a refund. He got agitated and said that he had seven days to return the book. 

I told him that the return policy (which, by the way, is stated verbally by every employee and also printed on the back of the receipt, which we also point out) had ended last Friday and that I couldn't do anything for him. 

He gets pissed and asks for my manager. I go and get my manager and explain the situation to her , and she agrees to come talk to him. 

The exchange goes something like this:

Jason 030aCusty: [suddenly in a nice demeanor] Hi, yeah, I bought a book last week, and it turns out that my roommate had the same book so I didn't need to buy the book after all, so I need to get a refund.

Manager: I'm sorry sir, we can't give you a refund.  *turns receipt over and points* Our return policy states that you have five days from the start of the semester to return it, which was last Friday.

Custy: But my class started on Tuesday.

Manager: I understand that, sir, but the policy goes by the start of the semester, which started last Monday.

Custy: [sounding arrogant] Well...I'm going to get my attorney involved.

At this point, I'm like WHAT.  I have to look at my feet at this point to avoid laughing, and my manager is purposely avoiding eye contact with me to avoid laughing too.

Manager: You...what?

Custy: If you don't give me this refund, I'm going to have my attorney give you a call.

Manager: Alright.  Have him do that.

Custy: And what is your name.

Manager: My name? It's [name].
 
Custy: Alright, [name], I'll have my attorney give you a call.

And with that, the custy storms out and I burst out laughing...and so do several other people.

One of my coworkers said that the same douchebag came in later, looked around, and told them that he'd "be seeing them soon." 

WTF.  So far, we haven't heard from any attorneys...what the hell could they do anyway?  Gahhhh!!!!

-- College Bitchstore Girl CBG