TechTyger had a website (known as The Doofus of the Unspecified Time Period) where he posted stories from Call Center Hell. At our encouragement, he's submitting his stories for RHU's enjoyment!
A rather amusing loser this time around. Yet Another financial idiot [It frightens me that these people are allowed to have computers, let alone handle other people's money...] who after having to be asked for her problem number four times, instantly starts in that the firewall is down. Most of these people wouldn't know a down computer if it barked in their faces, so I try to do some problem determination. She completely refuses to listen to me at all, insisting that it's not her software, it's the firewall and why am I wasting her time? After several tries, I finally gave up and transferred her to Ted, her internal.
Ted asked what I'd done, and I explained; he asked why I was transferring her and I told him, "Because I don't have the authority to tell her to go to hell."He laughed and took the call.
Five minutes later, he calls back; she cussed and bitched at him then hung up before he could do anything at all. He then did the second nicest thing I've had anyone do in this job so far; he apologized to me for having to put up with her abuse.
She calls in later and another tech gets her. She screeches and bitches at him that she's got to have this done in three hours and she's only got an hour to do it [Yeah, I know. It didn't make any sense to us, either.] and she wants it fixed now! Unable to do anything with her, much like I was, he transfers her to Ted again.
Jeff mutes his mike and stays on, wanting to hear what's going to happen. I keep hearing him laughing and going 'Oh man!', so finally this tiger's curiosity gets the better of him, I find a spare gazinta and plug into his phone to listen. She's on a cheap-ass speakerphone and sounds like she's got her foot caught in an echo canyon. [Or it might just be the echoing in her ego.] Ted is trying to get her to shut the computer down as I plug in. A moment of 'silence', where it sounds like she's smashing her place up with a hammer, and he asks "Is it shutting down?"
"It's booting back up."
[sigh] "Ok, what's it doing?" [Long pause]
"What? I'm doing what you told me to!"
This lack of communication goes on for about 10 minutes, interrupted constantly by screeching about how much she has to do and how much time she has to do it in and how utterly important a monkey she is and how she hates to have to fuck around with this and cussing at him and [Insert sound of World's Smallest Violin playing 'My Heart Pumps Purple Piss For You']
Finally, Ted has Had Enough. He cuts off another blast of invective and tells her that he can no longer try to help her, because she doesn't seem to want to be helped; he's working on the weekend on his own time to help with emergencies and this is just wasting his time; and "...I don't care what level you're at, I'm going to report your conduct to Human Resources."
She starts yelling again and he says "Goodbye" loudly and hangs up. The other tech and I are laughing so hard that we almost miss hanging up, leaving us connected to her.
Ted, for apologizing to me, I'd like to thank you; and for telling her to shut the hell up and reporting her to the HR people for being abusive I'd like to salute you. That's honestly one of the nicest things that's happened in this job. Thank you.